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I posted a topic "remind me" my boyfriend (maybe X) is in jail. I dont want him in my life like this. I will not take calls from him any longer. He is just to disrespectful and angry. He has talked with some of his friends though. Wow!!! I cant believe the denial and blame. I had nothing to do with his jail and drinking but he is calling me every name in the book. His personality is a 360. (He wasnt in jail, he was getting his own way and I was letting it all happen) I am trying not to take it personally but he would love to ruin me right now. He left 2 weeks ago saying he loved me, went to jail and now I am a MFB and many other things. Did he truly feel this about me or is this withdrawl, no where to go when he gets out, no one bailed him out? An above post someone said not to place demands on him, that doesnt mean (you cant live here anylonger becouse this is not good for anyone) is it? I cant let him back. Iam not strong enough and actually I do love him but right now I sort of hate him to. I dont even want to talk to him when he gets out. This is not the person I knew and I swear Ill hit him or something. I think I go turn to pure rage. I dont like that. Praying for the right thing to do about this rage hate thing. Anyone been there?
Alcoholics need enablers to continue what thier doing , and by leaving him in jail to face his own mess u upset the apple cart big time . They do like to have thier own way . You did the right thing ,until he is made responsible for his own crap nothing will change for either of you.
Trying to defend yourself against the accusations an angry A spouts is a waste of time , he is simply PO'd that u didn't bail him out. Let him talk all he wants people who are truly your friends know better. Ignoe the accusations and get on with your life . I hope u are attending Al-Anon meetings for yourself . You too need to reover . good luck Louise
Yep.... just got off the phone with my AW. Together for 18 years, seperated the last 2 months, and she was blaming me for burning the chicken she was cooking in her apartment yesterday.... Now really.... did I burn her chicken?
Not any more than you arrested your A. And Abby is absolutely right, anyone that you would really want to understand the truth.... already know that's a bunch of dribble.
When we stop doing what we have been doing to make it easy on their disease, they lash out and say and do worse and worse things to try and slip us back into line.
Not feeling guilty because I cry.... I will scream.
Not feeling guilty because I scream.... I will break something.
Not feeling guilty because I break something.... I will tell everyone we know you are doing this to me... and on and on....
It is a cunning and baffling disease, that is why it is best to leave it to them to deal with. It is unmanagable and will suck you under the water if you let it.
You are doing the right thing...
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
so he's calling you names and character assassinating?? well, here's what a friend told me. What my Awife thinks of me is NONE of my business. Are you worried that HIS friends may believe him? Who cares!!!!!! Let's start taking some PIPPY time. Let the anger out... better to scream it into an empty house than keep it bottled up in the mind. Then do something for you. Hot bath. Make a milkshake. Treat yourself to a massage. and treat yourself to a face to face meeting, too. You deserve it!!!!
with love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
My experience is almost the negative image of yours...oddly enough. I got the names and disrespect while I was a more of an enabler, but fighting my own enabling without the proper tools. I started coming here, I read someone's words "Detach with love" and for some reason it just clicked. This beautiful calm came over me and I maintained this calm while dealing with my AH. This made it so much harder for him - he didn't have the one person left in his life that was constantly available to him - to blame. However - this was also the turning point for him thankfully and within a matter of weeks he was actively seeking sobriety. I cannot tell you exactly how long, but I could research it on here - as MIP has it documented for me (Great place this is!!!) I cannot give the start of my recovery as the reason that AH sought his - I believe is was a wonderful coincidence (?) set forth by our HP(s).
Stay strong...believe in YOU...and don't give up or in! It took me a long, long time to realize *I* was worth recovery...probably longer still to realize I NEEDED recovery. I wish you the greatest in your journey and never give up on YOURSELF!
