The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so out of touch of what is right/wrong anymore. So sick of everyone's advice. Sick of being sick and tired. I am sick of being a doormat. I am sick of coping with day to day life. I am sick of needy people who can't cope with everyday life and extremely sick of know it all's. Sick of the passive-aggressive people in my life. I am constantly critisized/judged for my actions, my parenting, my relationships, my recovery and my health. I HATE this victim mentality, but there is no one I can trust to talk to. I have too many overbearing, judgemental and co-dependent people in my life. Can't go to counseling, can't make the meetings. I am tired physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have become a weak, dependent, insecure person. I am very unhappy because I am consumed with trying not to piss anyone off. I can not stand up for myself.
If you can't make meetings, you can read a daily reader, or the boards, or chat, or some otehr way to access the program. You might find that you CAN let go of some of those expectations that you and others have for you.
One thing I found very helpful, when my life was in crisis, was to reach back to when I DID feel like myself, and find a few things from that time I could incorporate into my daily life. For me it was taking long walks, something I had always loved but had allowed to be taken from me. Baths, herbal tea - small things that made me feel like myself. Not too hard to do, but they gave me enough sense of who I was to help me make bigger and more substantial steps.
Well I can certainly relate to this. I have worked/lived in and dealt with some very very difficult situations. I am reminded all the time not to seek perfection. I was just thinking that today about a co worker who is perfectionistic and how hard it is to be around her on some levels.
I am glad you are here. I have certainly got to the point many many many times of feeling defeated. At the same time I"ve made lots of progress through being here. I can't recommend enough the chat room here, people there will help you and listen. We all need someone to listen to us. I have a friend I call daily to relay what's going on for me. He cares. That is a first for me.
I always existed in a codependent morass before. I was an incredible people pleaser most of my life. Stopping that has been tremendously difficult but worthwhile. I think it is possible to stop the martyr/people pleasing/resentment cycle. I know it is difficult but small changes often add up to big changes over time.
I also hear you loud and clear. I've been there recently, and now my main problem seems to be what you said in the first line: I am so out of touch with what is right/wrong anymore.
I certainly won't give advise, because you're sick of hearing it, and I don't feel clear enough to give it. But I'm trying to sort it all out, just like I imagine you are too. Whoever else you don't have in your life to support you, you have this community who is here for you.
