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Please give me some advice and a kick in the butt if needed. I am AA and Alanon. My boyfriend was in recovery and decided to try drinking again. It has been a living hell. Even though I knew better I stuck in there and helped him along. He was put in jail again for 30 days. I cant do this any longer. He is a narly nasty man right now. Being put in jail (still drunk, no cigs or coffe) Of course he asked if I had anything to do with this! I can not even accept his calls. He yells and of course blames me. I told him not to call anymore. That I love him but I cannot be with an alcoholic that is not in recovery. Wow, He is not happy with me. I knew that would happen. He is trying every trick in the book. So far all is well with me but I do fall into the (am I doing the right thing) He said when hes out he will change. (I dont believe that for a minute) He didnt say Iam done, I want recovery. Ive been in his shoes. I can feel his frustration and anger. Still it is hard to be where I am now. Please remind me of things I need to hear. I have been going to meetings and doing what I need to do but yet feel my mind is pretty sick right now. Any input would be great.
If you are in AA how healthy is it for you to stay with an active A...and of course he blames you he has to blame someone and god forbid he look in the mirror and blame the right person.....
Stay strong, get support from where you can.....just remember this disease comsumes all in it's path.....
I read a Melody Beattie piece this morning that, to me, speaks to what you are saying:
"Negative energy can have a powerful pull on us, especially if we're struggling to maintain positive energy and balance. It may Seem that others who exude negative energy would like to pull us into darkness with them. We do not have to go. Without judgement, we can decide it's okay to walk away, okay to protect ourselves. We cannot change other people. it does not help others for us to get off balance. we do not lead others into the Light by stepping into the darkness with them. She continues: Today, God, help me to know what I don't have to allow myself to be pulled into negativity, even around those I love. Help me set boundaries. Help me to know it's okay to take care of myself.' Please take care of yourself and keep your healing your priority now. You matter, you are loved.
I know how you are feeling. One thing my sponsor suggested was NOT to put demands on the alcoholic. This only makes them more angry. She suggested for me to concentrate on my recovery. When your A is ready for recovery and treatment it must come from him and noone else.
When I find myself getting in a rut or situation I turn to my Alanon phone list and phone a member or my sponsor. I attend regualr meetings each week and I always read the Alanon literature. I focus on myself and not what my A might be doing wrong in my eyes as he is responsible for his actions and I'm responsible for mine. Good Luck and keep coming back
