I am so stressed out at the moment and I know it is within my control but I just can't get a hold of it. I married an alcoholic who has been sober for about a year (six months when we married six months ago). Since then we've moved twice for him to pursue better jobs.

Now in my third country within a year he has become disenchanted with this job - the lure of lots of money not being as much as he expected after a bunch of tax and other fees etc. Meanwhile we left the place where we own a property and where I had a job (finally after only being there 5 months). So now he has a total change of attitude and has decided that everything is just going to hell... he thinks at least for this moment and we are paying way too much rent (a fact I have been saying all along) and decides to cross examine me about the charges we pay to landlady and whether I have proof of the charges blah blah blah and it just stresses me out so much because I'm not working and contributing and we made this really huge move and now he is saying that when you factor in the rent and charges he is not making any more than he did before the move!!!! Well, those are all points that were made before we made the move and we knew it was a risk when we took it.

I just can't deal with this kind of thing happening every few months and I'm so scared it is some sort of pattern with him. Turns out we would have been better off staying where we were where I had my income etc. BUT IT WASN'T MY DECISION. Yes I decided to back him up and go with it but because I wanted him to be happy and for us to be settled.

The thing is that I see in myself is that when he gets like this - I get like this. When he is happy and okay, I am happy and okay. I know that this is the co-dependent in me and so desperately want to detach and be okay. I know that I can't control him or his moods but that I can control my own reactions to them. We are actually doing fine and the only danger is if he should do something rash like quit his job.

I just find myself always going along with what he wants because if he's happy then I'll be happy and putting aside my real desires - which is to be settled someplace without the constant threat of being uprooted. But it doesn't work.

I was going to al-anon meetings two countries ago and I really think it helped me so much and helped bring about the really important change in my family unit - his sobriety - which I mustn't loose site of or stop being grateful for... and since then I've kept up with al-anon literature but I am posting here because I need some interaction and some reminders on how to detach. I know that many of you are dealing with situations so much worse than mine. I just need to find some inner peace and remember how to let go.