The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am working on Step Six. Well working on the step I was working on not calling my husband all the time. Then I did some research and found that I have Attachment Disorder. Which means that I have had this problem since I was a little kid. I have realize that when I was dealing with my husband and he would take off for hours and not knowing where he was going i felt abadnoned and they brought back feeling when I was a little kid. Well bring up the attachment disorder I have found that when he left I was trigger again by what happen to me as a little kid. So it is a bigger issue then not calling him all the time. The attahcment disorder is a real problem a real disorder. So I am going to be showing the research I got to the doctor to show him. When I was a little kid they past this up and really never really followed thru. So while I have been reachsearching it I have found that I have this problem. I feel better knowing there is nothing wrong with me which helps. THis is because I decided to work on myself and know I know reasons why I am so attached to my husband. It has actually been that way with everyone, and I never realize how or why i was like that. With each boyfriend I had I got attached too and then let down when they left. I got so upset and felt like i was abandoed all over again. So this issue is really big. So now I am realizing it so it going to get better I understand why I call all the time, why I am always wondering if he going to come back, I am very cligy because I am afarid of losing him. When he was drinking and drugging he used to leave for hours and I would be so upset that I feel at that moment I was being retriggered by what happen to me as a little baby. This goes back from I was under 3 years old. There was a couple of times that he was gone all night long and i was so upset by all that.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
I have tremendous abandonment issues and I know full well how they played into my becoming over involved with the A. I know they came into play in the rescuing and feeling like I could not leave. I also know that the abandonment happened to me years ago. I cannot be abandoned in the same way as an . There are lots of books on this and web sites too. I found understanding it intellectually helped. I also found having a therapist who was there for me helped. I think detachment from the A really helped too.
At the same time for me at least there were many many ways the A abandoned our relationship. Like many A's he put his friends first. One particular relationship he had for 2 years with a friend was particularly destructive to our relationship. He put that man above me day and night. I think there is still an element there that he wanted that friendship more than me. His mother can also pull on his heart strings. Before she left she demanded he cater to her night and day. Now she is gone several states away and totally out of contact. I know in time she will visit and it will be the same thing, her demands and he will absolutely have no limits with her.
For me its hard to sort out what is abandonment and what are my childlike feelings that result from a very absued childhood. For me there is no question the A abandoned our relationship many many times. There is also no question he didn't much care about my feelings. He still doesn't. I don't know that I can put that aside anymore and say that I am willing to put up with that in order not to be "abandoned". Nevertheless there is no question for me that for many many years I put up with and I "enabled" him in order not to be "abandoned" on many many levels. The irony for me is that that no matter what I did, no matter what I gave up, what resuce I did nothing but nothing could erase the fact he's an addict and on some level he chooses to be one. I know I did not want to deal with my codependency for years because I was well aware that my abandonment issues played a huge part in it. Confronting them, facing them and grieving them has been a huge wall of work for me.
