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My A's sister came to bring him foood tonight. He has been sick I spent most of the day at my neighbors house while he slept==he complained I never went to the store to get him all the crap he needs for his cold. I just couldn't do it. Alll I could do was sit on my neighbors house on the couch and talk and hang out. I am getting a gun.
Since this is HUD, and everything happened so fast. I will be calling them Monday to have her put on the list of those who will be arrested on site for being here. I willl add a lot of his wonder ful "family". I thought my family was messed up, but this is the first time ( in a very long time) that I really want to hurt someone physically. I am planning to call the police to report the incedent, and since it happened so fast, at least it will be on phone record. Hud may be able to make sure she gets on the list. I may have to go to the Courthouse to get a restraining order against her. She threatened to hurt me and it took everything in my A's power to keep her from hurting me. When she had my door wide open, I nicely reminded her not to let my cat out. She went off. I hurt my already aliling back running with my cat to the bedroom.
Who here can give me some ESP? Should I call the cops, HuD and go to the courthouse for a restraining order. Maybe I will just get one one my A beacause alll I feell is uncomfortable around any of his family--except one person--his nephew (one of them at least)
Please help. I am ready to make a move and I already know it won't be pretty. No one comes in MY house and physically threatens me like that. Maybe I should hae the same attitude with my a
Stacie, hon, many times you have come and asked what to do in these drama situations. they are part of loving an A.
Our responses are going to be the same. This is criminal behavior, Of course you call the police.
I keep telling you if you do not get him out, someone is going to call HUD. YOu will be in real trouble then. I can tell you right now, if I heard all the stuff going on in the apt. you are in, I would call them. someone is going to get tired of it. I am surprised his familly hasn't.
I know you are scared to have him leave. It is natural, he is familiar. Please do not get a gun. As crazy as it gets, that would be such a mistake.
You know i care about you very much. You would feel better if you did something. You are worth protecting. love,debilyn your bud
It's best to call 911 right when someone attacks you, and press charges. They learn quickly that they can't get away with that with you. Please don't get a gun.
Why are you considering getting a gun? Please don't do that. It will only get you into serious problems - just think - you shot someone over because they brought food to your husband.
Your pictures show some troubling thoughts. Please go for counseling to help you through this.
I have to admit that I was not the nicest person I could be. I trust my instints, and they tell me his family is not right. I acted out first, calling her all kinds of names, telling her I was tired, sore I wanted my peace and to " be on her way", but not nicely. It took everything my A had to keep her from hurting me. She is a strong woman and I am not a fighter and never have been. I was terrified
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This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off
Be blessed and have a wonderful day.
Remember God loves you.
PEACE
We are not to give advice on anyone's alcoholic staying or going...but since you have stated that you want him out and I am not one to sugar coat....
Had you followed through on getting him out as you had planned, his sister would have no reason to be there at all. He is still there and now the problem has escalated to talk of guns and pepper spray.
Here's some questions for you..
What is your part in this situation? What can you do to stop the drama? Is fear making it on your the only thing keeping him there? Is it worth the drama and upset in your life it causes? Who is allowing this drama? Is it worth losing your HUD home?.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. You are the only one that can take the steps to change this stuff.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
One thing I learned was if I make a threat...I always had to be prepared to follow through. I live in Turkey.........so easy to get a gun here. But I sure as hell would never get one. I know the craziness and drama can get real scarey at times.When physical violence entered the picture I did everything I possible could to take care of ME. Had a plan B and a plan C and USED them. Owning a gun didn't even figure....and wouldn't have even if I'd got down to plan Z.
You say that you are feeling like you actually want to physically hurt someone....getting a gun would make this an option and when the balance of your mind is disturbed this much, it would be so easy for you to lose control and fire it. How would that benefit YOU!!
I did eventually get my A out,and I can't deny that life wasn't(still isn't) easy for me. But you owe it to yourself to take care of YOU. Scarey maybe....we all cling to what is familiar,but we all have choices and sometimes we have to make choices we'd rather not have to make. There comes a time when we have to "walk the walk" and regain our sense of self. I did it,with the love,guidance and fantastic support of so many kind,wise and wonderful people here at MIP.
I know I was worth it....and you are too ((Stacie)). Christy, Debilyn and the others have given some very wise words .............nobody can make choices for you..... just......please DON'T get a gun.
Well I have definitely been there in the drama. The A had a friend who was over all the time. He would come in and cause . I know he ate hundreds of dollars of food. I used to shout at him, shout at the A about him. Do you know what ended this. I just shut the door locked it and ignored him. When I finally stopped all the drama with him and had nothing to do with him he went. He could no longer push all my buttons. I went through hell with the A about him. This man broke two hoses, broke all the garden attachments. He'd regularly leave the garden gate open so the dogs got out. He'd laugh then.
I went on and on and on at the A about him. Now I simply do not talk to any of the A's friends much. This weekend the A's mother is coming. She has done nothing for him when he was sick. This was my cue to once again be in drama. I will not be in the drama with him anymore. When he shouts screams at me to "get out" I say nothing to him. I go say plenty to my friends and to others I say nothing to him. I don't even comment to him.
Every now and again after one of his screaming matches I'll say I'm sorry if I irritated you that'll be about it. I have to admit its pretty lonely not trying to cajole, change, control the A. At the same time he can only keep up his screaming for so long if I am not screaming too. I am no longer screaming.
I think its pretty hard to stop calling them names. I am proud of myself I don't call him names to his face. I call him plenty of names to my friends of course. I also spend what time I have here (which is pretty limited) pouring out how I feel. I have to keep working on how I feel, what I am doing. I am no longer all bent out of shape about the A and his family. What his mother does this weekend is none of my business. Needless to say I am not completely detached enough not to clean up lest she come around I do clean up and wash up and things when I know someone is coming over. I don't however engage that much at all with the A.
Detaching is really really hard work. I have to say I've been at it for a year. I only now have the energy to do a plan b. And my plan b is very very slow going. This month it seems incredibly slow going.
I wish you luck in detaching and not escalating. There is no question for me that I /dislike really have issues with the A, I no longer let him know them at every moment's notice. Pia Melody talks about putting up a wall of pleasant. There are some days I can muster that. There are others days I can't but I don't scream and shout anymore. I did for years, I let him horrible voice mail messages several times a day before (he gets no voice mail messages now of course because he has no phone courtesy of his having spent the last month playing video games).
You do have a choice even when it seems impossible.
Please try to calm the hell down, what you don't seem to understand is that this disease makes us crazy, insane at times.......try and breathe just take deep, deep breaths, get yourself some education on how the disease of addiction affects the family....I always thought I was the normal one in my marriage...now that I can see, I think I was more crazy than he, I also chose to let addiction control my life......Find a way...without a gun...to take control back...do whatever it is you have to to save yourself...
I had no job a mortgage and no income when my husband finally got out.....I survived... 10 months later....I still have my home....it has been a struggle at times...but darlin girl I am still standing and I can breathe.....also I have found some peace....
