The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been reading alot but not posting. I have not been to a f2f for almost 3 weeks. Mainly because my regular weekly meeting is on Monday nights. There is another one I go to on Thursday nights occasionally. I was thinking about it last night but decided not to go.
Things, at the moment, are pretty quiet with the A son. He turned over his car to me for a loan and he has gotten a full time job. I am trying not to get my hopes up about the job because he hasn't held a steady job for over a year now.
I guess I feel like I don't have alot to post about and I feel guilty for being like this. Does anyone else get lax in their program when things seem to be better with the A. Don't get me wrong...I know I need Alanon for my own serenity but when it is going well, I don't think I have much to offer. I wish I was one that could offer alot more esh like so many do. I think I can't because I am not living daily with the A, like most of you are and it is a son and not a spouse.
I have also lost touch with my sponser and I am a little afraid to call her after all this time. She told me in the beginning that she would not call me but she would be there for me whenever I needed to talk to her.
I don't know if this is part of my sickness but I can never follow through with any commitments. I hate that! I don't want to be that way but again...the motivation is not there most of the time. I am working with a psychiatrist for medicine management and I will be starting back with my therapist next week. I have also been considering weight loss surgery because I cannot stop eating compulsively. I know that is part of my illness that I need to consentrate on. I really don't want the surgery but I am just in a panic state right now.
Ok...don't know why I am spilling my guts about my life like this but it just feels better to get it out and I feel the safest with you guys. I could never say these things to anyone else...ok, maybe my therapist.
I will try to be more involved on these boards in sharing like everyone does for me.
I find the sharing on this board is one of the was that I can stay on-program, when I can't make it to my f2f. I also missed three weeks over the holidays, but because I can come here every day, I don't feel like I slipped too badly.
One way to post here is just to be supportive - often for those going through a crisis, a post like "we're thinking of you" is helpful, even if it does not offer any concrete esh. To me, this counts as a type of service work, and helps with my own recovery by taking me out of myself.
I think for a lot of this type of thing (doing what is best for us, but which takes some work and commitment) it is best to make it a habit. Once you get into the habit of doing a reading every day, for instance, you miss it if you don't do it. It's a lot like excercise - takes some self discipline to start up, but runs itself eventually.
I think we all have found ourselves relaxing and letting our program go a little when things are well. But we come to realize that even if things w/ the A are well, there is still room to apply this program to everyday life situations.
I don't agree that you don't have a ton of ESH just because your A is not at home and things are going well with him. My sponsor's qualifer is a child who is sober --- nothing like my situation. She's fantastic, how could she relate to my experiences having an Ah? Because how we react to this disease is not that different -- even if our situation are. I was once told the way to keep this program is to give it a way. Share it with others.
As far as calling your sponsor, I would. My sponsor has helped me thru things that have nothing to do w/ Alcoholism. She's shown me where I can apply the principles of this program to difficulties or challenges that I'm going thru, one example is when my daughter had surgery and we didn't know what the outcome of that would be.
Since things are going pretty smooth for you right now, it might be the perfect time to look at why commitments are difficult for you. I'm sure your sponsor could help you with that. Have you worked a 4th step? If you have, you may want to work another one. Or maybe join a step study group.
I hope you'll keep on posting, HP works thru us -- we just have to be willing.
Please do not feel "different" ...because you aren't!
Have you any idea how many of us "mom's" are here daily who have children who are A's/drug addicted???? Believe me, you have been a big help to me just reading your posts .
I have now 3 A children with drugs mixed in there too and that is such a heartache. Ya know, we can divorce an AH, but we are mom's for life.
Sometimes we just need to dump things out. What better place to do that than here? It's healthy for us.
I understand about not getting to the meetings or not posting. Sometimes we need to take a break. There have been plenty of times when I've spent more time reading the posts than responding to them. Sometimes I get more out of that. The point is is that you are aware enough to know what's going on. It's when we don't stay aware that we can get into trouble. Go ahead and call your sponsor. What's the worse that can happen? It could also be your meds. I know they are readjusting hubby's meds, and it can throw him off track for a bit. I know it's hard, but be patient and gentle with yourself. You'll get better.
In case you're wondering if you ever do any good by your posts. You've helped me a great deal. For that I am indebitted to you and all my MIP family here. I couldn't do it without you.
Happy New Year! Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Make no mistake...you DESERVE THE PROGRAM AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY!! Your life has been affected by alcohol period...plain and simple.
I divorced my active A. I have dealings with him from time to time....but I am not dealing with alcohol everyday. One thing is for sure. The way I reacted to everything was a dominoe effect as a result of my relationship with the A's in my life. It didn't just affect one area of my life, it affected all areas. All my relationships and interactions with people was not has healthy as they could be for me. There was no serenity to speak of....and this happy, joyous, and free crap! Hell, I thrived on misery alone. If there were misery going on in the world...I would find it and happily join right on in with it.
I took anti-anxiety meds for short periods of time. I would get to feeling better and quit taking them when things would slow down in my life. Since coming in this program, I am happy, joyus, and free. I no longer wish to find misery underneath a rock. I am serene most of the time. I have serenity in my life for once. This program is my pill. But, I had to believe. I had to want this program bad enough and I had to open the lines of communication up with a God of my understanding and get totally honest with myself while working the steps.
I have learned to live without guilt, worry, and chaos as much as humanly possible. I am a completely new me. A much, much healthier me. I reach a plateau in my program and I know it when I do. For me, I cannot not sit on it for any length of time. I have to get up and keep pressing on. Take my recovery to new levels. My work on getting healthier steps up a notch.
When you spoke of commitment....In my life I get in to something and do not stick with it. When I came in to the program April of 2005. I knew at the very most, I would do this for one month and lose interest and give up. I knew that is what would happen because that is how everything else worked. April of 2005 and still going strong, huh? I cannot imagine my life anyother way now. I need this program to live. The last A I had....will not be my last. Others are soon to follow. Without fail. Who they will be and their relationship to me, is yet to be revealed. I stand more ready than I ever have before. I am building forces in this program.
Finally, for me the program just does not work without having a sponsor, working the steps, making meetings, reading literaure, sponsoring others, and talking to other people in the program, and God. I was thinking a few days ago. I can never ever explain what it is this program does for me to any ONE person. Ever. I will never be able to explain it fully. Just as none of us can tell another what it is like to actaully go to heaven. No one can fully understand what it is like in heaven until they have been there. That is how my program is. I cannot explain it to anyone, until that person has actually been there and gotten what it is that I now have.
You are human. You are going to have doubts and slumps just as we all do. Here is a saying my sponsor used on me a few times....."When you don't want to go to a meeting....you must go anyway...that just could be the day they teach everything, if you listen."
Even if I am running late or get held back and there is only 5 minutes left of that meeting. I was told to go anyway. I need that contact. Just as I do my HP
I am so glad you are here. I am so grateful to the wisdom you share with us.
Certainly no need to feel guilty about how you work your program. With all the guilt wroght by this disease, this is one place where you never have to feel guilty.
I too know that extremes one way or the other effect how I work my program. I have been trying to get through my 4th for months now. The truth is that with the holidays and being a 1 parent household now... it has been slow going.
I felt really bad about that a week or so ago, but I sat and thought about it... it's not going anywhere and if I blow through it just for the sake of getting it done will I really get out of it what I should? I am starting to do a small time each day and when it's done.... its done.
You have been an inspiration to me and offered up some very thought provoking situations. Your contributions are really appreciated. Hang in there, this is but a speck in the scheme of things and you will be fine.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Please, Please don't ever think that your post & replies haven't help many of us - You are part of a family - we love you & need you. Your kindess and compassion bring a lot to this forum. You have as much "right" to be here as any of us.
Maybe things are a little better with the A's in my life, but the reason I keep going to my f2f meetings, posting on MIP & working with my sponsees & sponsor is because when I walked in the room of Al-Anon needing help - someone was there for me - I don't ever want someone to reach out for help and no one to be there. Like it has been said, "To keep my recovery, I have to give it away"
As far as your sponsor, "Let it Begin with me". It's not like your first call to her has to be a detailed 4th step. You can just make a casual call to see if she had a pleasant holiday season, then maybe tell her you are thinking about working on some step work in the near future. Try to establish a relationship/friendship with her again. Maybe then it will be easier to make those calls to her.
Hang in there Gailey - Don't forget to take good care of you!!
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I myself haven't gone to a F2F in a month or so. With the holidays I had so many things with the school and children's programs and so forth. I came here alot and read mostly. I don't think we always have to post. But I was thinking today although I may not have ESH on every topic (not that we should worry about every post either), but to let others know we are here and care though we may not have something to share at that moment is good. I know how I feel when someone has at least "noticed" my postings and let me know they are there--even if they don't have anything more to say than "Keep coming back" it still helps. So even though our experiences all aren't the same we can still help others out, by just being here!
OH the FOOD!!!!! I hate food, but oh how I love food! I use food as such a crutch! I eat when I am sad, bored, happy, angry, and hungry and not hungry. I look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see--I get depressed, I eat--like that is going to make the image in the mirror any better!!! I am sorry you are having difficulty with food yourself! I can understand not wanting to have surgery for it. You just do what you feel is best for you. Maybe once your medications get "fixed" things might change a little. I do wish you luck with this!!!
Please keep coming back and posting, hang in there. I love the ESH you give!
hi Gail-Once before you requested that other mothers of A children-help each other. You have helped me-and altho I don't post often I "look" for you e-mails,because we have so much in common. So please keep posting because thru this program we can help each other. Thanks-Bonnie
You said, when things are going well you dont have much to offer.
You can offer your presence. Just being there is truly the greatest thing we can offer anyone in the program. We dont have to say anything. We can just listen, and be supportive. Share the love inside of us by just being there.
And if things are going well you can certainly share that! If your sponsor has time in the program, no worries. People come and go and come again. We all work our program in our own time and way. And that is perfect. Talk to your sponsor.
