The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am brand new into Alanon I haven't even went to my first meeting yet I actually went to an AA meeting with my husband and was approached by two different women about Alanon so I decided I would try it out. My problem is that I am having a very hard time right now with my husband being in jail and my family disowned me due to staying married to him and his family has nothing to do with me either excpet to try and make things as hard as they can on me when they can. My question is is there something in Alanon that talks about needing approval. I am horrible about feeling like I need everyone's approval about every aspect of my life. I hate it knowing that there are people out there that hate me and there is nothing I can do about it. I have tried to apologize for saying hurtful things but they choose not to accept my apology. I know there is a book out by Joyce Meyer about approval addiction that one of my friends recommended to me but I was unsure if this tied into Alanon or not. I always seem to worry more about what is going on with everyone else and how they feel about me than my own husband or kids. And therefore this causes conflict in my marriage over my family and his.
Welcome to this board, it has been extremely helpful to me, as you get more into alanon, you will realize that what you are talking about is letting go. Letting go of expectations of yourself and that others have of you. We are mostly all approval seekers and fixers, that is why we are here. Please look back over old posts and you will see that you are not alone! No matter how bad it seems right now you will get through it and things will get better!
Hi, I'm very familiar with Joyce Meyer's books; however, I'm another "suggester" that you get into ALANON just as quickly as you can.
Joyce Meyer who is my favorite female TV minisiter says she didn't need Alanon and that God healed her and her family. While it seems like it happened that way, it is so rare.
ALANON will acquaint you with Conference Approved Literature and, in my opinion, you'll learn more there than anywhere else along with open AA. I think it's really neat though not unusual that Alanon was suggested to you at an AA meeting. ALANON and AA are where you'll find the experts on alcoholism so that you can support your A while you take care of yourself.
Hi, I'm very familiar with Joyce Meyer's books; however, I'm another "suggester" that you get into ALANON just as quickly as you can.
Joyce Meyer who is my favorite female TV minisiter says she didn't need Alanon and that God healed her and her family. While it seems like it happened that way, it is so rare.
ALANON will acquaint you with Conference Approved Literature and, in my opinion, you'll learn more there than anywhere else along with open AA. I think it's really neat though not unusual that Alanon was suggested to you at an AA meeting. ALANON and AA are where you'll find the experts on alcoholism so that you can support your A while you take care of yourself.
P. S. You'll learn how to detach from alligators - sorry, I meant to say inlaws!
yes. there definately is something in Alanon about needing approval.... you need to be approved by:
YOU!!!
none of us are perfect. alcoholism/addiction is a family disease, and it sounds to me like your family (in laws) are sick... as possibly you are, too. just in our case, our sickness comes from hanging on sooo tight, fixing too much, trying to keep up, trying to make things peaceful. It could be that your family sees it and (although it seems harsh on us) have detached from the situation (which includes you) altogether.
(((mgpatton))) take care of yourself. hubs in jail? well maybe you can close your eyes and relax a little -- then get to a face to face meeting where you will discover a whole new world out there. it is OKAY to start looking after YOU!!!
somebody on this board said something funny: know what the difference between In-Laws and Out-Laws is? Out-Laws are actually wanted!!!!
with love,
cj
__________________
time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
What is kind of ironic about your post is that you seem to be seeking the approval of the board to read this book. So I ask you to ask yourself if you think reading this book will help you....
Personally, I think you should read anything you can get your hands on, whether CAL or not. I have found wonderful books searching Amazon and B&N. There are a lot of resources out there that can help you get to know yourself better and learn about your behaviors, such as approval seeking.
yeah, alanon is like people pleasers central - lots of us here struggle with that. And of course, it's a great way to build up resentment. We try so hard to please everyone, and then they don't appreciate us....
You CAN learn to let this go - it's not easy, and sometimes you will slip. but with practice your 'please-yourself' muscles will get stronger.
