The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I started formulating a plan for myself. It has been 2 years since my AHsober said he was outta here and wanted a divorce. No papers filled as of yet. He threatens and I think that that is part of his game. He lies, withholds info, forgets, won't introduce me to his new friends, and has made some really poor decisions. He came for Christmas. We had a decent time with our sons, two home from college and one home on leave. We went on our annual ski trip. Then, he said he was outta here for New Year's to go to a bar with his buddies and he would be back to say goodbye to our sons. I said don't come back if you are going to do that.
I have had a wonderful time with my sons. They are my most favorite people in the world. One brought a friend home from college and his dad is missing it all. I don't think he realizes what he is missing. I told my AHsober that I wasn't going to talk to his disease and that trying to negotiate anything with him was impossible. It is like to talking to a drunk (sorry). I told him that I was sticking to my recovery program and that I am bound to make mistakes.
I listened to Joe and Charlie's tapes about doing a 4th step. I am so ready to take a look a me and let go of all my defects of character. Don't get me wrong. I am scared to death. I will be alone again when my boys leave next week. I will need support from my friends, family and Alanoners. My H has a right to live his life as he chooses. I miss him terribly but I don't want to live like this. I give myself six months to be in my reocvery program and make my own decision about my marriage and my life. I so welcome serenity, guidance, and solace from my HP.
Thanks for listening. Happy, Happy New Year to all.
I found that my life has gotten better as I have focused more on me and this has included beginning to think for myself--what do I want, what do I think, what do I think should happen here?
Before I came to Alanon, I didn't realize it, but I had relationships with As and A-type personalities, in which I allowed those people to use my fears to drag me around by the neck. I found it tough, if not impossible, to make decisions for myself and my own well-being when I was soooo afraid of being left and being abandoned.
I am S-L-O-W-L-Y facing my fears of being left and finding that I have strength in me that I didn't know I had.
i've been separated for approximately 2 months now, and the loneliness has been AB SOUL LOOT LEE excrutiating... until christmas. I'm a long way from my family of origin, but was invited, and i (finally) had courage to accept (help) their invitation for a nice dinner and fellowship. i have made a boundary with the wife that she needs to be in a program and work on her for at least 6 months if we are to reconsider divorce, but the legal separation will go through and I will follow through. If love is truly in her heart, she will get off the denial merry-go-round and make an (any) effort. So far, though, the blame is still mine (in her eyes) and I'm making the biggest mistake of her life... sighanyhow, much much kudos and hugs in keeping your boundaries and sanity!!! Your efforts have inspired me --- get off the pity pot, cj
yours in recovery cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
anyhow, much much kudos and hugs in keeping your boundaries and sanity!!! Your efforts have inspired me --- get off the pity pot, cj