The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am struggling to keep my home. I am at the point where i am thinking about what I plan to do. decided since my last learning experience I am in a new chapter of my life. I have to find who i am again and what I really want.
Been experiencing things I am tired of. When I depend on me I am much happier. When I don't need anyone else, or ask for help, I learned I liked it better.
Found when I do allow people to help me, or ask for help, they start to want to control me and critique me and my life. If I keep to myself and do not share or vent to anyone, they think I am just fine.
I liked it when there was no one to ask me how I was. Becuz I never really thought about it. Just lived and was ok. Did not analyze everything. Kept things simple.
Can still love and give. Just stop weighing everything. Have learned when I depend on anyone, am only disappointed. I have no control over anyone but me. So I am back to expecting nothing, if someone comes thru, it is a surprise.
Being with an A, I learned a lot about what I don't want. Now it is time to think about what I do want. Then put it into action.
Am packing up things. Don't want pictures right now. They are all dead and I want to go on. Want to let that stuff go for now. Clean walls and flat surfaces. Packing all my pig things, paintings, antiques. All of it. I am sick of stuff.
Stuff gets dusty. Honestly think I would be happier in a teepee. I am not kidding. At least I could afford to be warm.
Am seriously thinking of moving up into my bunkroom again. I want to pack everything up. Stick it in my new shed that is dry. just have my bed, recliner tv stuff, fridge microwave in my bunkroom.
I don't want to be in this house alone anymore. There are no good memories here, it is not home. My barn is home. If I rented this house. I could make my barn into what I want.
Just talking outloud. I just know the A took away my life. Now I really want to find my new one.
That sounds like an answer to some major worries. I think it's a wonderful idea (as long as you have internet) You can be where you want to be, make it just how you like it and hopefully make enough on rent to cover what you need. Excellent!! If you change your mind in time your home is still there.
love you muches, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am like you. Time to move on. I have been going thru stuff. Mostly my kids. Great memories but I have to let them go. My A doesn't perceive things the same as me. And I am getting tired of being alone in this house where we raised our kids. Hope you can find somebody who likes you sincerely and doesn't take advantage of you.
I packed my stuff earlier this year and put it into storage when I thought the house would sell quickly. It just hurt so bad when I put it in the storage unit. It hurt whenever I walked into the house and saw it so empty ... BUT I got used to it.
I was thinking about what is in storage yesterday and you know what ... there are only a few things I really remember and can picture in my mind. I miss my books still and will keep photos packed away but most of the other stuff belongs to this other person I used to be.
I have my house for a few more days, the foreclosure hearing is the 5th. I have my Mom's house when it is repaired to move to when my responsibility is done here. Yet I am homeless ... except I have found that my home is where I sit at any given moment, in my heart. It's not four walls, and it's not the stuff in those four walls or the dreams I once had in those four walls. Whereever I am (and that means Sully is with me ) that is home, it's actually very freeing.
I like the idea of your barn, I had a dream once long before my A, of designing a silo into something like a lighthouse for a loft. I know you can do anything you set your sights on. And I wish you the best whatever you decide. You're always in my thoughts and prayers.
I just saved my house but I did what your doing. I cleaned my house like crazy. The emptier it was the better I liked it. Simple feels clean and comfy. I am tired of chaos and I think I made some simplicity of my life by decluttering my home.
You would laugh seriously. All of my ah's stuff is neatly put in a corner of the garage and all my stuff is nice and neat in the closet. There is not ONE toy in my living room and the kids rooms are spotless. It makes my mind feel clear. I get ya, I really do ;)
your post really spoke to me. inspired me and strengthened what i am trying to focus on. thankyou for sharing. your post sounds clear and grounded....like you know what you want....simplify...change...letiing go does not mean failure/defeat...it means change, which with good intention is always for the best. i too have found that you can only count on yourself, but i am feeling that is is in a matter of degrees. i Can count on others, but no one is 100%....maybe not even 50%....i try and be thankful for the gifts and not be destroyed when i am let down...i don't have to be destroyed because i know i have myself! so know what you know....you have your vision, now make decision, and take action. it is a mantra of mine...vision,decision,action. hapy new year.
I have a goal to move into my little rental in the spring. I will make sure my big house is rented with money down first.
Can afford to live over there and it is small enough i won't be overwhelmed. It really is exciting to me.
I will still have my barn and property. This house has a huge front side and back yard with it. two big decks also.
I have a little deck over there too. But in a few mo. from when I move I plan to build a huge den off the house. computer/tv room. dog room too. will have to build a cat room in the huge lean to there. I will clean it all up. frame it all in, and put my pot bellied pigs in there. They will love it!
It is a nice little old mobile we completely remodeled inside. Nice big windows in every room. a window or two on every wall. nice front yard for flowers and garden and huge back for the mongrels.
taking my time. I will ask my tenants over there first if they want to rent it. If they do I would not charge any move in fees. I am not sure they can afford it though.
Must be the thing to do on New Years, to clean the house and get rid of the clutter. It is a reflection of how we are inside which is unmanagable. Mine got cleaned for the most part yesterday and my AH's things are also in a little corner under the stairs and I am SO ready to be rid of them.
I just take the plan b one step at a time. Right now I am on decluttering. The plan is to at some point move to one room or thereabouts. I don't try to think too far ahead. I'm not sure what happened to your plans to rent out parts of your house. As someone who's rented and shared my home I know that can be difficult. I think its good to have boundaries. I also think its good to take it one step at a time. I am decluttering now. I take it pretty slow. Right now I have one bag to go to the Salvation Army. In time I will have three bags. I know there is lots of stuff I can do without. I also know I have to allow time for those decisions.
I think its hard to be around the a's things when they are gone. I know that has been difficult for me in past relationships. I know I often acted hastily in getting rid of stuff so I don't do that anymore. I do know cleaning up and organizing helps me. I also know the A has stayed the same and I can't live with it long term.
) that is home, it's actually very freeing.