Well...good-early morning friends!!! It is after 2am, I'm on the computer instead of sleeping and I'm suppose to wake at 5am. Not so this morning. I have to type very quietly because my A' is in the bedroom awake, and I'm just down the hall from him in our computer room. I am going to do something later this morning that I am just absolutely dreading. My mother in law is going to take me to the County Attorney's Office to file papers to have my A' forced into Rehab, becuz just hours ago was the last straw for everyone involved with him! I just found out yesterday that he's been telling everyone but me that last weekend he tried to kill himself taking an over-dose of valium's on top of the Methadone and drinking. He didn't want to wake up, but he did. I had no clue what-so-ever. Just hours ago the police were at our house. My A' was at his bro's (brother's) house drunk out of his mind and driving home. They had an argument. When my A' got here, he wanted to argue...but I kept my cool. He then tells me about what he did last weekend with the pills. He says," Since I couldn't kill myself that way, I'll just do it this way", and reaches under the couch for the pistol he always keeps there. It wasn't there because his brother had called me to tell me he was on his way home, and earlier that day we discussed the guns needed to go since he claimed he wanted to die. My A' goes into a rampage! "Where is my pistol"? I tell him at his mom and dads's house (just up the road). He's looking for his ri-fle's that were still sitting beside the couch since deer season a couple of weeks ago...they are gone too...and so are the other shotguns (2) in the bedroom closet. He comes towards me and I freak out! While he was in the bedroom looking for the guns, I had grabbed the phone and I had it held down by my side. When he came towards me with that look in his eyes, I got past him and out the door I went dialing the phone number to his mom and dads and told them to "get down here, NOW"!...and why! I had left my purse with my car keys in it and he locked me out of the house. His mom comes and gets me and we go to her house. His dad calls another brother of his, who I had also talked to earlier that day. He was going to make the call to the County Attorney's Office tomorrow (well today, Friday), and get back to me on what they tell him. He lives in Washington D.C.! Well, about 30 minutes later, his mom see's a vehicle pull up in our driveway. I come down and it's a friend of my A's since childhood, who I had talked to Wednesday and he's the one my A' told he took the pills last weekend. Just minutes later I see headlights in the driveway and the outside dog barking like mad! I open the door and there stands 2 police officers!!! Wanting to know if I called the "Crisis Hot-Line". Nope, not me. We ask the friend that was here, no, not him either! And my A' swears he didn't either while I was gone up the road at his parents. Come to find out it was the brother that my A' had come back from and had the argument with. They talk to my A'..they talk to me...they talk to the friend. I hear all they can do is NOTHING!!! I have to go to the CourtHouse and do what it is I have to do. They will have the police come to the house and get my A', and there's nothing he can do, but go with them. They'll take him to be evaluated, and if they think he's that far gone...they will put him in the rehab. It could be for 72 hours, 30 days, or longer. Oh...the friend is here in the livingroom asleep on the couch, that's why I'm here and not at the in-laws. I'm not sure if he'll stay while I'm gone to work for an hour or so, and be here when the police come to get my A'. I'm hoping they'll do all this while my mother in law and I are still 20 miles away where the court house is. She is broken up about it no doubt! I can't cry because I have had to deal with it all for THREE YEARS!!! I have no tears to cry. She knows he needs to do this, and I under-stand being a mother, if that were my son, I'd be upset too. But she and her husband both, all of his family before I came along have brushed his drinking under the rug. Then I came along and it became my problem. And now I'm sure she really hates me deep down inside, or maybe she doesn't...I don't know. I only know that I'm still leaving him. There's no guarantee that if he gets help, he'll keep getting it after he comes out. Some of you I guess will think I'm some cold hearted witch...that's going to leave him when he needs me the most. But what I will tell you is that this marriage was over a year and a half ago, for not just his drinking...but other issues also. His parents and family just don't know it yet. He needs to get on with his life as well as I do. I am really sorry it had to end this way...but...I believe in a HP...and that He does things in "His Time"...not mine...then it all comes together for me personally. I had "MY WAY", I was going to end it next May...but...for whatever reason, isn't going that way. I trust He has something in store for me too, somewhere down the road. Someone here in the group posted something a long while back that I wrote down over and over again from the time I first saw it. It said..."HP brought people into my life for a time to get me where HE wants me. And just because these people were a special part of my life, HE didn't mean it to be permanent, but rather to teach me to love HIM first! HP uses our circumstances for "good". So if our choices were bad, or are bad, He will guide us into the direction HE wants for us, and in turn, we have learned our lesson"! There's alot more, but I just thought about that part of it just now, and how true to life it has come for me. I wasn't putting my HP first in my life, until I got to the point I had no one else to turn to. And He had brought mamare (here in the group) (through another group we met in) into my life, who introduced me to you all here...and the lessons I have learned are unbelieveable!!! And I'll carry them with me the rest of my life! I wouldn't have or couldn't have done it all myself, and there's no doubt in my mind now, He knew that! So...I'm no doubt moving on into a new chapter in my life, and I am forever grateful to every one who had a part of it! I pray that everyone who comes to this group finds the courage and strength to endure their problems as I have. Because believe me, I am the weakest of the weak, when it comes to having any courage or backbone about me! It hasn't been easy, it's been unearable at times...but you know that ol' saying..."what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"? I'm living proof of it! May HP bless all of you in very special ways for all you have done for me! I will keep you posted what happens today at the courthouse. I'm not looking forward to it at all, but I have to put my trust in HP again to get me through it! I'm going to lay my head down on this desk now and take the next 2 hours to sleep before I have to begin facing the rest of the day ahead of me. Love ya'll. Goodnite. Hugs, Korinne