The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you for those of you who responded to my post earlier.
Since then, after much thought and prayer, I have taken my grandaughter to live here with me, hubby and other grandaughter. I don't know how things got so bad between her and her mother (my daughter) but they have. I understand that I can't fully realize all the pain they are going through since my son in law's death, but I know the pain is great.
I cannot contol any choices my daughter makes, but I can do what I can to be there for my grandaughter. She is in 8th grade and has no self esteem and just seems so sad my heart breaks for her. But here at least she has boundaries and knows she is loved dearly. I am getting her in counseling.
Thank you Ziggy and Tiger for your precious comments and for really caring.
You are a true angel. Now let me tell you about my son. He is 13 and in the 8th grade also. Last year I found out that my husband was on crack and that explained all the time he was not home. All of this came into view AFTER my son had already been in numerous accts of trouble in school for fighting or cocking an attitude w/teachers and bus drivers.
His self esteem was EXTREMELY LOW and he was so angry all the time. Well this is what I did. I got him into martial arts. I found a really great establish (looked at several) that focused on selft motivation and positive thinking. Martial Arts wasn't the only thing they worked on in the classes. It was all about making the right choices "Winning is a Choice" and being positive and working hard towards your goals.
In any event.....he has been there for exatcly one year and WOW the improvement is amazing. He is striving in school to make better grades so he can be on the "Dream Team" and do all kinds of other things. He is learning to be a leader, not a follower.
Things are still rocky w/my AH (I am contemplating separation now) but my son is handling it A LOT better than he used to.
So I just wanted to tell you about this so that you could maybe do some looking around town to find something similar in your area. There are A LOT of girls in my son's class. Adults, teenagers and young kids too. In fact, my son's favorite sparring budding is a 13 year old girl who has her black belt. Every one there treat us all like family and they inspire us to be better people. Just a great atmosphere. Ya know, it doesn't have to be martial arts. It could be something else that she's into. But I think the key now is finding a place for her to go and find her self worth again. A little niche for her. Just my experience and suggestions. Good luck to you all.
I'm with Gailey, I was secretly hoping you would take her in too..lol I'm sure HP will provide you the strength and energy you need. I had a very special and loving Gram that was a huge part of my life and I am eternally grateful to have had her. I have a feeling that you will mean just as much to your grandchildren.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am very proud of you Irish, you are handling this very well. It gives me so much inspiration. Did you ever think you would make it to this point from where you started? Hope you see the same progress in you that we have been seeing.
I am so glad you made the decision you did. Good choice to get her into counseling--I hope you can find someone she feels comfortable to talk to. Good luck during this time. I agree with Christy--HP will give you what you need!!
As someone with a 14 year old girl in the house - they are a challenge, but also a joy. This could make all the difference in that child's life - good for you.
Thanks you all for your wonderful support and encouragement!
Ziggy, did I think I would ever be at this point? Unfortunately, yes, knowing the situations, I always felt someday I may have to make this decision. When I walked through the doors of Al-anon however, I was a basket case. My mother had just died from cancer, my son had been sentenced to prison, my sister had committed suicide, my other son diagnosed as mentally ill and drug addict, and this grandaughter's parents involved with drugs and alcohol. I begged my husband to put ME in a mental hospital!!
Now, the part I think I didn't expect, is where I am in my recovery. Through the grace of God, I am only taking things one day at a time, and relying on Him. I don't feel all nervous or anxious most of the time, and I have so much more peace. All thanks to God first, and his guidance with Al-anon.
