The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
the last few days have been hard for me for some reason. Not sure what is going on with me. My AH has been sober for over a month now and is in therapy and seeing a therapist, started going to weekly AA meetings. My kids were both here for Thanksgiving. We had a nice time. It was good to see them both. Spent the day with my daughter on Monday. Yesterday I woke up feeling blah. Just feeling down. I think I know what part of it is. My AH seems so self absorbed. He no longer cooks dinner for us. He eats before I get home from work. He used to(he's retired). I looked forward to sharing dinner with him. We have had many discussions about his not eating properly when he was drinking. He had lost weight and needed to put weight on. When he was hospitalized the last time (year and half ago) becasue of his Aism....nutrition was really important. I had felt like the food police. He is now taking care of himself and I think eating properly. So, now.....i eat alone. I have been trying to cook something for myself that I enjoy. I try to not ask him if he's going to make dinner. (trying to detach from the issue) I'm so tired when I get home from work these days. I manage a speciality toy store..so this is the really busy time for me. He says he loves me..and i do love him. I just feel....I don't know what I feel to be honest. I feel this issue is a division between us. I know I have trust issue with him still..and I know this is going to take time.
This too shall pass....just feeling in a funk.. thanks for being here and letting me get some of this out.
I'm sorry you are feeling down. I have felt those pains of separation when he was out at meetings and it was just me and the kids home. For a while I was depressed about it... I felt like their was too much time between us and not enough closeness and intimacy for talking. I realized too that alot of it was the absence of the worrying and chaos. I had become addicted to that and used to always fretting over are going to eat with us? His usual response was, no I'll eat later. Part of that was because he'd rather be out on the back porch drinking. Now... he looks forward to dinner. I eventually saw that my kids and I were spending too much time eating in front of the T.V. in the living room and I was not spending quality time cooking quality foods. So now I try to have something healthy cooked most nights and we eat at the table, whether the A is there or not. If he is not there... we acknowledge that we miss him, save a plate for him in the microwave and continue on with our dinner. Its the one time during the day we have to spend time with each other talking about the day. You are right... this too shall pass. You will find ways to fill your time and the void that you are feeling right now. The more involved you get with you, the program, hobbies, friends etc. I bet the less time you'll have to feel that blah feeling so much. Do something you love to do today.... you deserve it.
Peace,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Have you mentioned how this is making you feel to him? Men sometimes aren't on the same wavelength (putting it nicely..lol) and don't even realize there is a problem. Sometimes you just have to say it for things to change, but not with blame because these are YOUR feelings. He may be absolutely clueless if you haven't addressed it.
Christy.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I can definitely understand feeling apart from the A. Personally I think the A I live with is terrified of intimacy on any level. He has a few friends that is about it. He craves attention in any way. Then when he gets it he rejects it.
I am glad your A is attempting sobriety I can understand that is a hard road.
I know what you mean. I have been there and fluctuate in and out of that spot! I am sorry you are in a funk. I hope that it will turn around soon. Twinmom2 and Christy both had good suggestions.
Maybe that funk thing is going around. I was going to do some Christmas decorating, trying to reclaim the apartment after the flood. Suddenly I'm just not in the mood. Maybe because they are calling for more rain. Could be that I'm feeling a bit resentful because this shouldn't have happened, had the landlord fixed the neighbor's drain after the 6th time it flooded! I keep reminding myself how lucky I am that I didn't loose everything like some people I know. Maybe I'm just tired. Could be I'm getting . Maybe I need a Piper Day. Here's hoping the blahs go away for us soon. Time for me to make a cup of tea, relax and make my gratitude list. Maybe that will snap me out of it.
Take good care of yourself. You deserve it.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
What Christy said is important... Our (guys) wiring is different. It is important to spell out to your hubby that "eating together is important to me". Secondly, turn that frown upside down... I'm betting you remember much worse things than eating alone. I think Karilynn mentioned the 'gratitude' list. Note 1: I've begun taking a cassette tape player with me and recording just why I'm not that bad off... then playing it back before I turn in for the night.
V/r
c
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I know that when my b/f wasn't drinking, he was a lot more distant and not a lot of fun to be around. ALmost to the point that I wished that he WAS drinking just so that he wouldn't be such a lump. What I noticed is that my A doesn't always seem to know how to function in normal social situations without the booze - even in a simple home environment. Maybe your husband's eating before you get home is a way to avoid thinking about how he was when he was drinking? Maybe he's struggling with quitting - more than you realize. I know that when my b/f is drinking he tries to do things to make up for disappointing me. Getting things done around the house, etc. Maybe he was just doing the dinner thing before so that he could look functional while he was drinking (I don't know anything about your situation when he was drinking so I'm just guessing here).
I would just talk to him in a non-threatening or accusatory way - "I really miss having dinner with you at night" and see how he responds.
I know for me, whenever I'm in transition, I feel moody, sensitive, off kilter. Somone getting sober is certainly a transition. Perhaps, if nothing else, it could be the simple reality that your life in a very real way, is changing. ((MONSTER hug)) Hang in hon. Keep with the program.
I keep reminding myself how lucky I am that I didn't loose everything like some people I know. Maybe I'm just tired. Could be I'm getting 
. Maybe I need a Piper Day. Here's hoping the blahs go away for us soon. Time for me to make a cup of tea, relax and make my gratitude list. Maybe that will snap me out of it. 
