The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Tonight I had to go move the big stuff out of my house that is closing on Thursday. The riding mower, push mower, ladder, etc. My sponsor's husband got volunteered to come help me with his trailer. First off the A was supposed to be staying at the house and I haven't heard from him since Mon. So it's just me and someone elses alcoholic husband! Bitterness begins. Icing - it's raining! The mower won't start, I kill the battery, it's out of gas had to drive to the station to get some, flat tires on and on. Finally we get all the stuff bitterness fully setting in. Got help putting the garage door back on track so it will pass the home inspection tomorrow morning. More bitterness about having to deal with everything everything everything!!!!! Was Soooooooo greatful for the help!!
2 minutes after sponsor's husband leaves my worthless a calls and asks if he can come over and take a shower and get some clothes. I am already resentful, I try to explain why. He doesn't get it. I consider it, I want to see him, I want his son to see him, it's almost bedtime why would I bring that chaos upon myself? I ask where he's been and get some crazy story about hitchhiking, getting a job offer during the ride, working for the guy and then the guy lets him have his rental car...
STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!
So anyway I say no and try to explain why I am upset. He says he'll call when he gets to the motel. surprise surprise no call.
Wish I could've lent you a hand. Sorry you have those feelings of bitterness... I feel the same at times. I've had to shoulder everything on top of working all day.. so tired. Give your son and yourself a hug.
Yours in support
c
__________________
time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I completly understand the resentment. I spent well over a month finishing up half-finished projects on my house. My A would do nothing... NOTHING... then decide to start a project while he was high on cocaine. Then... he'd get bored with it or the drugs would wear off... and then he was back to doing nothing.
I was very bitter about it, but I had to do what I had to do. I got some friends to help out a little, I learned a lot of new things, hammered those nails extra hard... and got the projects done. I still have a lot of stuff to move eventually when the house sells. I'll have to enlist my friends again. I can't, and wont count on the A to do anything to help.
__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Hugs to you. You are doing a fabulous job on the next right thing for you. Be proud of your accomplishments. Your A unfortunately sounds to enmeshed in the disease to see how wonderful of a person you are. Too bad for him, and that stinks for you and your son. Hang in there.
Peace,
Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I can definitely relate. I have learned to count on the A for little. I go elsewhere entirely for emotional support. I have learned that much. I also know the holidays are a huge huge trigger for them. They sometimes get worse over them. The thing I notice is that you do keep going on you don't let it swallow you up that is progress.
Look at it this way: Would you have gotten ANYTHING done if your alcholic HAD shown up? Because the pattern is, everytime he comes, your feelings get stirred up and it's like someone drains you from the inside out. By being a no show, you got what you needed to get done, done.
Be sure you write your sponsor's husband a thank you note. I would, at least.
On a side note, is there any way you could put things like the riding mower or anything like that up for sale? Or do you want to keep those things for your next place?
Yes, my whole purpose was to put it up for sale, that's why we went to get it. He was very kind a patient, thanks for reminding me to do a little extra. I said thank you over and over and I told him he could have about $300 worth of paving bricks that were in the front yard and a bunch of concrete. I think he was really excited about that. I don't have the address but I will make sure to thank him again somehow. I guess I was a little too bogged down in negativity thinking about the A and not thinking about the goodness that I was really sooo greatful for at the time!
