The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was reading a story in Time magazine online about how we are afraid of things we shouldn't be and ignore the things we should.... and I got to this paragraph and it answered a question for me that I had been pondering about why I left so easily the first time and how we tolerate such unbearable circumstances and then so easily forget.
"Unfamiliar threats are similarly scarier than familiar ones. The next E. coli outbreak is unlikely to shake you up as much as the previous one, and any that follow will trouble you even less. In some respects, this is a good thing, particularly if the initial reaction was excessive. But it's also unavoidable given our tendency to habituate to any unpleasant stimulus, from pain and sorrow to a persistent car alarm."
I saw that article too, although the web site only would let me read the first two pages without registering... sigh.
I often wonder how people can live any kind of normal life in a country where there is war and corruption on such a grand scale. I guess that's the answer, you get used to it. I have always lived in the suburbs - both inner and outer - of a major city, but not a super humongous city like NY or LA. I couldn't deal with the stress of just basic existence in those places - long commutes, having 50 locks on your door, all that stuff. It would be depressing, but - I suppose for those who live it, it's normal. Just like checkpoints and machine guns are normal in some parts of the world.
I tend to think of my life as being pretty comfortable. For me, that means I have a quiet place to go home to, I can get home from work in a reasonable period of time, I don't get shot at on the way, my neighbors aren't shooting me through the walls, I don't have to listen to a constant parade of sirens all night like one place I used to live. I have electricity, heat, water, and more toys than any 10 year old boy could want. But there are some people - a lot of people actually - who would judge my lifestyle to be horrible, or intolerable in some way. Crawling into an empty bed is just unacceptable for some people - but I find it makes _sleeping_ much easier if there's nobody hogging the covers, snoring, elbowing me. Some people aren't happy unless they have a dog (or multiple dogs) jumping all over them when they walk in the door. I tend to avoid those kinds of places.
I lived in a house full of kids for years. Noise, all hours of the night, friends, "extra people" I used to call them. Lights out time on a school night and finding 10 people in daughter's bedroom. Can't get rid of them unless I drive them all home.... ack!
Yes, we can become accustomed to almost anything - it becomes normal. Heck just the other day, I was driving through the neighborhood I lived in just 3 years ago, and the congestion and traffic was oppressive. I was SOOO GLAD I didn't live there anymore.
You will hear that a whole lot from both A's who have gotten sober, and from their spouses who have dumped them: I'm so glad I don't live like that anymore.
I think the greatest fear of all is fear of the unknown. You could be in the worst possible hell, but fear changing anything because you know, it might get even worse. And maybe we've been through that too. If we're waiting on that little UPS package from heaven to solve all our problems, and it just never seems to come, maybe the UPS man is afraid to drive into our neighborhood LOL.... I think HP can do miracles for us but sometimes we have to meet him 1/10 of the way. Not even half. Just a step the right direction. Ignoring the howls of protest of course.
Courage is not the absence of fear, it's being able to act in the face of fear. Heard a much decorated WWII veteran say something like that.
