The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can see how an addict needs it to just get through a day without drinking, but I don;t see it as very helpful. i mean, I have a life and a family. i need to think about them and their future. One day at a time does not cut it.
This is an example of take what you need and leave the rest, for me, as far as Al-Anon is concerned.
I will take a stab at it... but like you said, take what you like and leave the rest. LOL
One day at a time to me doesn't mean playing the waiting game. It means that I have to use the program to calm down, get in touch with my HP (the one that can bring some sanity to my life), make a plan and work it one day at a time. Don't bite off more than I can chew at one time... but don't stop.
You have probably heard people say you can stand the most unbearable circumstances for a very short period of time. You could sit in a room alone with the most unbearable person on the planet... if you only had to do it for 60 seconds. That would be a snap right?
What if you had to do it for an hour? It would be much easier to concentrate on just the next 60 seconds, get past that then you can see if you can go another, but don't get ahead of yourself. It is too overwhelming.
When my AW take every minute of face to face time with me and rants and raves, trys to get me wound up so I will start yelling, I have to apply that 1 minute at a time deal. I am not ok with getting into her little war, so I use that principal to make it through and do what I know is right.
Does any of that make sense?
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
For me, the ODAT worked to help me clear my head, in times of crisis. During periods where I thought I could no longer stay married to my A-wife, he would remind me that "I don't have to be married to her for the rest of my life.... try being married to her for the next day, or hour, or minute, if that's what it takes!". Breaking things down like this helped ME to get to a healthier place, where I believe I could make a better total decision for myself and my family.... As Al-Anons, we often think we have to solve the world (or at least the future) for ourselves, our A's, our relationships - and thus keep ourselves in crisis to the point where we can't think clearly.
ODAT has been one of the most valuable slogans ini my ongoing recovery.
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I wondered the exact same thing when I was very, very early on in the program. I would think, they certainly can't understand what I'm going through, that I have to plan financially for my future, and how can you take THAT one day at a time??? How can I take it a day at a time when my husband was going to be in jail for 5 months for dui? I had to pay bills, etc, with only my income...I was not going to be able to make it.
FINALLY, it sank in, and I was able to mentally focus on TODAY only. I think ODAT doesn't necessarily mean that you don't think about or plan for your future. I think it means that you don't do the needless WORRYING that won't accomplish anything, the WORRYING that will just drain all of your energy and leave you feeling hopeless.
Let go and let God. One day at a time. The Serenity Prayer. It really does work.
I would like to take a hit at this one as well. One day at a time (ODAT) and first things first, usually go hand in hand for me. ODAT tells me not to let my mind take over things that haven't happened yet, that I cannot do anything about TODAY. First things first, tells me this is what I can do today as steps toward making things happen.
I had to apply this way of thinking to my A. Early on people would tell me the stupid phrase (seemed that way at the time), I took it as they were tired of hearing about it and it was just a polite way to tell me to shut my trap. I now look at it a very gentle reminder. ODAT is one of the main things I have to do in my recovery to stay sane.
I have tried for a few years to go back to school. I quit my job suddenly with good reason. It wasn't that I set out and said, "God will provide....or ODAT" I had enough money at the time to pad me for a month or so. The first week, I had decided it was time to try this school thing out once again. So, each day there after, I put one foot infront of the other. I took care of everything that THAT DAY would allow me to take care of in getting it in motion. I put in a few applications for jobs along the way. The thing of it was, my mind wasn't obsessed with what the outcome would be. I stayed busy. Focused on what I could do in that day, as steps toward where I wanted to be.
I am now a fulltime college student once again. I am divorce and have three children. My bills are paid. We have everything we need.
My boyfriend lives over 500 miles away. There are some days when I miss him more than others. I stay in today. I just tell myself, today I am not going to see him and my mind can't go to tomorrow, because it is today that I am living.
"I may not have everything I want, but I have everything I need" is a quote from Courage to Change. Don't ask me why. It just helps me stay in today. It helps me to put that one foot infront of another to work on what I can today. One day at a time.
You asked a great question. I think in part o d a t means that if we are going to be serious about changing OUR attitudes in order to better our situation, it isn't realistic to think we can change overnight. That would be overwhelming for most of us, I believe. So, sticking with working the program, including interacting with other alanons, we work it one day at a time.
Yes, for me One Day at a Time is about worrying. It's about not seeing the good that is in today because we are focused on tomorrow. It's about enjoying a quiet moment with our A, rather than thnking, "Yeah, but he'll be drunk again tomorrow". It's also about letting myself not be perfect at this recovery thing, forgiving myself for those times I slip.
I don't really think it has anything to do with planning for the future - except inasmuch as we do that day by day too, don't we? We put a little money aside, we fix the leak in the roof, we help the kids with their homework - this is all building towards the future that we want. Even if what we are doing is leaving a horrible home situation, because it's the best thing for the kids and us, we do that one day at a time. We know we won't be heart whole and happy all at once, but we know we are headed in the right direction and satisfied with that.
I've been using that slogan alot these past few weeks dealing with the flood. It meant staying in the moment, not focusing too far into the future. When I tend to get panicky and project, that's when I get myself into trouble. I become overwhelmed. I can't handle it. So it means, slowing myself down and staying in the present. When hubby was active, it meant that I couldn't solve all the problems right now. I had to take it one step at a time. Even today putting things back in order I wanted to get it all done. I can't. Hubby can't. We had to take it piece by piece. Same thing goes with recovery. Step by step, piece by piece we get better. There were days when I was taking it moment by moment, lone enough ODAT. The longer you are in this program, the stronger you will get. The more you practice it, the easier it will get.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I look at it this way: If I can get through today without breaking his neck, maybe I can get through tomorrow without doing it. Simple, but to the point. Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Hello, the Bible says there are enough anxieties in one day.So we are to take one day at a time.
For me it means, I do my best to take care of what I can in one day, then leave it alone until I can do more. Pay what I can, get down what I can. Not thinking about what I have to do tomorrow. I might make a note to remind me, but will not be anxious.
It does not mean not to think about your childs future.
It is saying, be in the moment,don't worry, have faith.Surrender to your hp.Do your foot work and know hp will give you the outcome.
I know I can handle one day. Can do my best, pay what I can, do what I can, then I can sit and watch a movie, brush my horse. Why worry? have done all I can today.
If I think about and have anxiety about it will take a year for me to catch up my mortgage, then I will feel so scared. But one day at a time, I can handle.
I've been thinking more about this, and really, what it applies to most of all is OUR disease - the thing that got us in this mess in the first place. Now, not everybody here will relate to this, especially those who have children who are A's, but I know that there are a lot of people here who are not on the first alcoholic in their lives. Many of us have gone from one to another, to another.... Thre is something in us that keeps us picking A's and THAT is the thing we are working on, "one day at a time". The thing that has us feeling that we can fix the problems of the world, the thing that never lets us say no, even when we know that "yes" is bad for us, the thing that has us always focusing on others, and never ourselves.... our disease. Codependence, alanonism, whatever you want to call it - most of us here have it, we did not get where we are by accident.
I know that I went right past several healthy men, and glommed right onto my A. I didn't want someone healthy, I wanted someone whose sickness matched mine, and I ignored lots of big red flags until I got one.
Every time I shrug off someone else's bad mood as nothing to do with me, every time I sit and take my own well earned rest rather than jump up and work because someone else is working, every time I just STOP acting out imaginary conversations in my head, I am getting better one day at a time.
(((Here))) first, let me tell you how glad I am that you are here. Good question! For me, this slogan is not just for A's or Alanon-ers. It is good advice for anyone, especially in this day where there are so many distractions to deal with.
I use this slogan especially when I am upset about my AH, or something that is going on with us. It calms me, when I say it over and over, like a mantra. Whatever I am dealing with, when I lay down tonight, I can put it away until tomorrow. I have done all I can today, I have done my best, and I should be proud of that.
If I think too much about the future (will AH leave me, will I leave him, will (insert worry of your choice here) happen? Most things I worry about, I have no control over, but HP does. And 99.999% of the things I worry about never come to pass anyway. Planning is constructive, but worry just saps our energy. With practice, we can differentiate between the two.
This slogan goes hand in hand for me with turning my life over to HP.
Sometimes it is not just ODAT, but OSAT, (One second at a time) or OBAT (one breath at a time).
Let me end by saying you sure got a lot of good replies to this post...so thanks for asking the question. Sometimes it takes someone new to Alanon to open our eyes and minds and help us see just where we are and where we are going. Thanks!
Well I think for me I have to take it one day at a time. Like a lot of people I live with paralyzing fear. One day at a time I can manage it. I don't do well some days. Some days I do better. The holidays are hard for me so I take it one day at a time. I got through thanksgiving now Christmas is up, I'll get through that then new year then on from there. I have hopes for 2007 and fears too. I know one day at a time generally my life has got better here.
I do understand the urge to rush into decisions. I have to remember I rushed into the decision of hooking up with the A. He seemed so attractive then. He would do anything to make me happy. There were tons of red flags. I saw them and chose not to deal with them. Slowing things down helps me. I can still exist in a quagmire of resentment. I can also choose to start over a couple of times a day.
I din't understand that either when I arrived here along time ago , this program really is so simple but I can complicate anything if u give me amin . hehe
Our little booklet JUST FOR TODAY has some wonderful short solutions to changing my attitude on a daily basis . For me One day at a time reminds me to enjoy the day not to worry about what happened yesterday it's done can't change a thing.
To not worry about what "could " happen tomorrow. when it isn't even here yet . 3/4 of what I worried about never came to be. but it sure kept me busy and away from enjoying the good days . Just get thru today and enjoy !!!!!
I spent some time at a treatment centre yrs ago sharring to recoverying A's about how alcoholism affected my life . it was an old bulding ratty furniture and a table that looked like it was on i t's last legs . as i looked down at it there was drawing carved into the table in front of me ,
A road , a man straddling the road and a caption that said
One foot in yesterday - one foot in tomorrow - I have just peed away another great day.
so that is the pic I see when we talk about Just for today . Keep commin it will all become perfectly clear .
