The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Always forgive your enemies --nothing annoys them so much. --Oscar Wilde
Letting Go
According to a Japanese legend, two monks were walking down the road when they saw a finely dressed young woman standing before a large mud puddle. She explained that she had no way of crossing the water without ruining her clothes. Without saying a word, the first monk picked her up in his arms and lifted her safely across the obstacle.
A few hours later the second monk said in an accusatory tone, "How could you have picked up that lady? Don't you know that the rules strictly forbid us to touch a member of the opposite sex?" His friend smiled and then replied, "I put the woman down back at the puddle. Are you still carrying her?"
Like the second monk, many of us are still carrying old hurts, resentments, and lost opportunities that we picked up many mud puddles ago. As long as we remain stuck in the past, we cannot fully hear the inner voice, which speaks to us in the present. Thus, in order to tap our intuition, we need to release and heal our unfinished business.
By following the example of the first monk, we can put the past down and walk on. See your past experiences as teachings that have guided you to this present moment. An endless array of opportunities and possibilities lie before you. Immerse yourself in this good, and the old hurts will have no place left to make their home.
Something I see here on the boards alot is "How do I forgive the person that hurt me?" "How do I surrender this hurt?" Those asking the questions are on the right track--the process of surrender, forgiveness, acceptance, letting go, all of these are actions. But, like the monk in the story, I have found in my own life that the longer I obsess about the process, rather than simply letting God control the process for me, the less likely it is that the process takes place. The more I try to force myself to surrender, the less likely I am to do so; the more likely I am to try to control. The more I try to force myself to forgive, the less likely I am to do so; the more likely I am to resent (and enjoy my resentment, no less!). What would it take for me, today, fully, to recognize my process of recovery as God given? If participation is the key to harmony, what is keeping me from fully participating in life for a full sense of inner harmony?
I like the image of 'putting the past down and walking away'.It is sooo true that holding on to things we cannot change,that have already happened just keeps us stuck.When you are not moving forward you tend to fall back.
This was a great post that really touched me because I am struggling with the forgiveness of the one who hurt me. I fear that I am stuck in this resentment. Is it that I am not ready? Do I not have the tools to carry on? Is it just easier for me to hold a grudge than to try and move forward? I am still confused. I pray that God lifts this anger off of me, but every time I see her I can't help but get flustered. I know I'm not alone, but being angry at someone who is almost helpless to a disease also puts a lot of guilt on me. I really hope that is I keep working on it, some day I will truly able to forgive this person. Thanks again for this awesome post!
I really needed to read your post this weekend,i am struggling with forgiveness,one day i feel i can the next day i carnt,this is a big hurdle for me,this board is a truly wonderful place.
This is one of my biggest obstacles as well. There's so much that happened and so much that continues to happen, it's so hard to just let it go. I realize that I'm just hurting myself by even thinking about it..... Hopefully, I'll get better at just letting it all go (soon!!!). I've moved on with my new life, but my ex A & DrugA still find ways to make my present life difficult. We have children together, so I can't walk away totally (as much as I would love to). The nonsense continues. He does it through the kids, he does it by not participating in their care, by "trying" to put them in the middle of our conflict and making himself out to be the victim, he does it in so many ways. The victim!!! It kills me how he thinks! It's hard to let go and move on when this nonsense is never ending. I am getting better at ignoring the things he does... and by not responding when the children say stuff since I can't control what he does or says. It's very hurtful. I just pray that the kids will eventually see the real truth as they mature. It won't change anything, but it'll show them what the truth really is. There's peace in that for me.
Also, when we forgive someone it is more for us than for them that we do it. It is too much to continue to carry all those "wrongs" that were done to us.
