The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
sorry i haven't checked in, in a while.. i am going to be totally honest with you all... i hate coming on here... not that i hate all of you coz i don't.. i love ye all to pieces and appreciate all that ye did for me, ye were always there when i needed adice, help and emotional support!
i hate the fact that i have to come to this board... logging on here reminds me of where i was in my life..with my A and now..its like i can't escape it..i will always need you guys...and i hate my A for putting me in that situation... the mere mention of "Al-anon" makes me anxious and sad..and i dont want to be.
i tried sooo hard to leave that part of my life behind and its impossible... i didn't speak to me A since August. my choice. after one suicide attemt too many and his confessions to serial cheating with hookers etc... i broke free... emotionally.... or so i thought....
...every time i thought of him or my situation..i felt so much anger and rage i wanted to smash his face in... where i live, i see his slappers that he slept with behind my back, i see the sniggers the smirks, i hate him for that! i want to slap him, hit him, shake him..
i want him to hurt like i hurt... i loved him soooo much, would have done anything to make him happy...thought he was happy... but it was all a lie, fake and a joke... he played me for a fool,
how did i love this guy for 2 yrs...why did i let myself love him, why did he hurt me, why did he manipulate me, why did he pretend to love me, why did he have to f**k everything up.....
im sooo f**king mad!
he left a voicemail on my mobie last week saying "hiya, its me, hope ur o.k..im off to rehab again, take care of urself, bye"
WHAT THE F**K WAS THAT ALL ABOUT??????? only to make me think about him again.....
why am i constantly here...what did i ever do to deserve this crap! i hate all alco's, im mad at the whole world, and i am angry that he can "blame" a stupid disease for cheating and lying and manipulating.... cancer patients dont do that, and thats a disease too.... its like an easy escape for them.. "oh yea he acted the rite prick..but poor him..he's an alsoholic, he cant help it" HELP IT..MY ASS...
IM SORRY for taking all my feelings out on ye..its not yer fault, i really needed to vent 2nite b4 i burst wit rage, and im sorry for cursing...but it was either that or break a few windows :(
You have every right to feel angry! Go ahead and vent, scream, cry... whatever you need to do that is not self-destructive to get it out. Lord knows how many times I have been there.
But, when you are done being angry, then it is time for you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, take a deep breath and go on with your life... WITHOUT him.
He did horrible things and hurt you very badly. But, the longer you harbor that hatred, the longer you will be sick. And it will make you sick... It will keep you from growing, loving, feeling anything good at all...
When the time comes, and sometimes you have to DECIDE that the time has come... give all those feelings to your HP.
There are much better things in store for you... Happiness, peace, laughter.. Serenity.
It will come.
((((HUGS))))
MdmDragonfly
__________________
Faith makes things possible; it does not make them easy.
Should the BPD or substance abuse be treated first?
QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Heller,
My son has been diagnosed with BPD and is also taking drugs, do we treat the disorder first or the drug problem? He is almost 18 and we feel we are running out of time!
ANSWER:
I believe strongly that they both need to be treated. Most borderlines with substance abuse problems are treating their mental health problems with the wrong drugs. Others have profound substance abuse problems in addition to their mental health problems.
The right medications make all the difference in treating borderlines. Using as needed medications often makes the difference in controlling substance abuse. I believe a substance abuse program that teaches treating dysphoria (anxiety, rage, depression and despair) with appropriate medication has the best chances of long-term success with borderlines who also have a substance abuse problem.
