The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm struggling with step 4. It fills me with fear because I don't know where to start. I don't know 'exactly' what to do or how to do it. (but I know I need to)
Can somebody please give me a push in the right direction?
Hi Elly, I think we all struggle with that fourth step. My sponsor said there is not a right or wrong way, but a good place to start is with a big yellow legal pad, and pencil with big eraser.
I am still working on my fourth step, and it is scary. Have to remind myself all the time "Easy does it."
Elly, when I started on step 4, I started by sitting down and writing my story from day 1. When I started I didn't think I remembered much from my childhood but once I got started one memory triggered another and soon I was finding things that had played significant roles in my development or lack thereof in my adult life. Different events will show you your character defaults as well as your assets.
It's a way to get started and when you finish you will either have a really good start on the step or at the very least you will have your story ready when and if you are asked to tell it.
Good luck..........
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Welcome to alanon. When I started working on the steps I gave myself 15 weeks to finish up all 12 of them. Thought I should throw in a couple of extra weeks incase something came up.
I found that when I got to the fouth step I hit a brick wall. I just couldn't do it. I didn't have a sponsor. I really didn't have a clear understanding on how the first three applied to my life. I just had to put the whole thing away for awhile.
What I found out is there is no finish to alanon. I work the steps on a daily basis. Alanon is a journey, that is meant to be enjoyed. Looking back ( hindsight is 20/20) I just needed some more time. I wasn't ready. I needed to work on patience. oh how I hated that word...
The second time I started my 4th step, which was months later, the words flowed. I had a sponsor then. For me I think it was absolutely mandatory that I had one to work this step.
I do think it is great that you see the importance of working the steps with the alanon program. If I had to recommend one thing besides a sponsor on working my program that has helped me it would be the book "Path to Recovery" which you can get at your face to face meeting..
Thank you so much. Both for your words and for just replying. I was beginning to feel invisable again....a recurring problem. So THANKYOU!
I haven't a sponsor yet, but am searching. There isn't an AlAnon group in my town and the one I travel to has only 2 other members, neither of which feel ready to be a sponsor. But they have been wonderful, and I talk with one of them regularly.
I've been patient all my life *sigh* I can be patient awhile longer. Although, I am so anxious to find some peace within myself and faith in myself, I know it will come. One Day at a Time *soft smile*
I ordered some books earlier today, all pertaining to Adult Children of Alcoholics and I'm hoping to find (some) understanding of myself in them.
Elly: Just remember that there is no perfect way to work this step. Some work it the way it is set out in the Big Book of AA and others use Al-Anon materials as guides. It was comforting to me to remember that it was not the last time that I would be working the step and that I could take a different approach the next time if I wanted to. We are like onions and as we peel away the layers during recovery, we often find issues that need to be examined that maybe we weren't ready to look at earlier.
I am glad that you are looking for a sponsor--I think that it is important to work the steps with someone else, especially a step like the 4th because we can get sucked into being far too hard on ourselves and forget about all of the good character traits that we have.
When I worked my 4th step, my sponsor had me use the Al-Anon 4th step inventory "Blueprint for Progress" workbook, as well as "Paths to Recovery, Al-Anon's Steps, Traditions, and Concepts." I have been using Paths to Recovery in working the other steps as well--it is a great resource.
Have a great day!!
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
