The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As a mother of two sons, this concept frightens me, with all the isms already rearing their ugly heads, the consumption is just a part of the disease they have yet to experience. I have carried this fear for a long time, that they too will become alcoholics. That they are genetically predisposed. That was an easy out for me. What I realize today is that not only are they genetically predisposed, but environmentally as well. And I am part of that environment. Having been affected by this disease all of my life, I bring to them all the isms without the consumptions.
Lynn...WOW!!! I have never thought of it that way. I have always known that my 2 sons were genetically predisposed to Aism as my father was and so were many family members. However, I only thought that being environmentally predisposed meant that you grew up with the A that was active. I thought that getting my A son out of his A father's life that he had a much better chance. I never realized that they would be affected by my growing up with active Aism.
OK...so now I'm feeling even more guilty...lol!!! Really...the genetic part, I believe, is the prominent part. In my family of siblings it seems mainly to affect the boys. Out of 2 nieces and 5 nephews, at least 4 of the boys so far have been affected. The girls seem to have escaped it for some reason. Of course...the one niece is only 16 but so far doesn't seem to have any substance abuse problems. I just don't think it can be pin pointed. It can happen to anyone.
I don't know that I can feel guilty over something I have no control over.
I know certainly I only have pets and I sometimes feel immensely guilty that their lives are not as full and wonderful and they are not cared for in a way that I can say I am proud of every day. At the same time I know without a doubt I did the best I could. I can do no more than that. I keep doing better. I know my pets are very very happy. They are tremendously important to me. At times certainly when I am distraught I do not take the best care of them I can nevertheless I'd never say they were neglected.
I don't think I will allow myself to beat myself up anymore for doing the best I can under the circumstances. That is all I can do. I can't be superwoman anymore.
The whole genetic aspect of aism just scares me to death. I never knew that there was the disease in my maternal line until I was already a mother. No one, absolutely no one, ever acknowledged that one of my great-uncles, one of his sons, another cousin were very A. Then rumor has it that perhaps my maternal grandfather had some problems early on in life but overcame??? To my knowledge no one in my paternal line had it. My late father-in-law was probably affected as were several of his uncles. But again, no one will admit it. I know he suffered from severe depression requiring treatment twice after I got into the family. I do know that he spent lots of weekends in bed in the basement and that when he did drink it was secretly, shamefully, and not acknowledged. Now my son has his problems and I have the little grandson. I know that my ex-DIL had issues with her parents and alcohol, altho I don't know details. With all this, how does one really cope with the potential for carrying onto future generations. Knowing what I now know, people who have had alcoholism in their families and have chosen not to have children are probably luckier than they will ever realize. If that sounds harsh, then it just has to. The misery of families affected is so great and so prevalent. Aism should not be buried in family past history.
Only 1 of the 8 children my sister gave birth to became an A. When I saw the my odds were good, my fears were set aside. I didn't think about this possibility at all...until my daughter became an A/drug user.
Yes - it's a risk, but why worry about something that can't be controlled in the future? We can't predict whether or not our children will become As. We can, however, love our children, and help them grow up with self-confidence and self-esteem.
