The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been trying to come to terms with this thing alcoholism/addiction in my own mind, seeing as it has governed my life so much. Something puzzles me and wondered if anyone could make it easier for me to understand.
All or the As in my life, father, two partners, other relatives are all adults. I have never known a child or young person who grew up to be an alcoholic. Not personaly, not in my life. I just wondered if there are any signs in a young person that indicate they may develop Aism later in life. Or does it start with the first drink.
I know I might not have put this question very wll. It's hard to find words for what I'm trying to say. Just trying to understand really. I have a lot to think about today.
Old timer described his disease this way "I drank because it was fun, then became habit, then became necessary. Then I came to AA because it was necessary, then became habit, then was just fun."
There's no real "line" for definition of when someone "becomes" alcholic. But, for sure, it's not an over night process. The reaction a person gets from the drinking, from the drugs, from whatever, it becomes necessary for them to feel "whole" and they miss any emotional connection to themselves. But like all drugs, as a tolerance is built up, things become harder and harder: it becomes more and more difficult to get drunk; it becomes more and more difficult to not drink;it becomes more and more difficult to be in control of the drinking; et cet.
The book Alcholics Anonymous might help you here. Also, see if you can get in touch with a drug and alchol councelor--they are great resources in this area of the drug addiction science
Just my experience, but my A was always an A, from the very moment he took his first dirink. He was only 10 or 12 when he took that first drink, smoked that first joint and chased it from that moment on. Yes, the disease progressed, the frequency of drinking increased, the consequences became greater but, even at that young age it had a hold of him. He drank to escape, to get that feeling, to fit in, all in the name of FUN. He is 42 now and still an A, will always be, dry, sober or drunk, he is an alcoholic. I have heard other A's speak and they tell a similar story, that first drink, the feeling like nothing else and the chase that consumed their lives.
As a mother of two sons, this concept frightens me, with all the isms already rearing their ugly heads, the consumption is just a part of the disease they have yet to experience. I have carried this fear for a long time, that they too will become alcoholics. That they are genetically predisposed. That was an easy out for me. What I realize today is that not only are they genetically predisposed, but environmentally as well. And I am part of that environment. Having been affected by this disease all of my life, I bring to them all the isms without the consumptions. Just as dangerous, maybe more so, since it is so much harder to see the root of the problem without the drink. So, today, I take responsibility for my role in this disease and do my best to work a program. To show my children through example.
Not sure if I answered your question, but did have some ahas of my own. Another gift of the program. When someone else reaches out for help, in helping, listening and sharing we gain something as well.
I have a niece who's only fifteen. Shes studious and sensible. Her home has always been peaceful. However, there is a lot of Aism on both sides of her family and this concerns me.
Lately she's been trying the occasional drink and can get rebellious and argumentitive. There are self centered traits that are becoming more apparent. I know of course that this may just be teenage changes and hopefully nothing more. Her parents don't seem overly concerned. I just worry because of the Aism in the family.
I've been through the AA book in the past. Might have to read it again.
I'm not an A, so don't really have an answer to this question, but I have listened to a lot of them share their stories, and mostly they remember that first drink as an "Aha! THIS is what I was looking for" moment. So, I think that for many of them, it was there right from the start, in some way that would be impossible to really see from the outside.
I worry about this too, as I see some signs of the disease in my daughter - mostly in the blaming everyone for her self-created problems, feeling that her moods entitle her to behave badly, obsessiveness..... And then I think "Wait, those are all traits common to adolescents" and figure I'm just blowing it all out of proportion.
I guess all we can do with kids is get as much sanity into their lives as possible, and let them feel the consequences of their behaviour. Let them know that they are loved, and give them some skills to deal with life's ups and downs, so drinking or drugging them all away is not so tempting. And then, give them into the keeping of their HP -as if we had a choice....
I think a very helpful thing for young people with Aism in their families is awareness and education. On my side of the family the only A is my sis and then my aunt who has recently started drinking the last few yrs, but on my hubby's (he is my A) side of the family about 97% of them are A and/or addicts. My A and I have 3 children together, they are 7 yrs old and the twins are 6yrs old. My A and I have already been teaching them about drinking and drugs, using age appropriate conversations and approaches. We know about the genetic predisposition and also that their environment plays a large role in how they will "turn out". So we try to keep out family life rich and fullfilling for them to give them a strong foundation, but are also educating them about the dangers of picking up that first drink.
