The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm going through a break up with my Abf at the moment. I know there are some people who are going through similar at the moment, and some who would like me to share whats going on for me through this. Also, I am writing today to gain clarity...and maybe sanity for myself.
I am leaving this week. I have a new place arranged and was due to go on Tuesday. The place won't be ready now till the weekend I'm disappointed to say. But, hey, the decorators are in and it will be worth it in the end. I'm looking forward to my new place, by myself. The last few days have dragged, and really it would be easier to leave as quickly as possible I think.
He has tried to get me to be less "unreasonable", by pointing out that I'm going over the top as usual (not true). He was trying to evoke a reaction, any reaction I think. He tried to make me feel guilty, and sad, and unreasonable, and of course that he wouldn't be able to survive without me. I felt really bad, and guilty and all the rest. But showed him no reaction. I just kept saying that I didn't want to live my life in this way any longer. I was calm and yes, I could see his heart was breaking and yes mine was too. And the guilt almost forced me to give in. I am weak against him.
Anyway, I went out. It was Friday evening. We had arranged weeks ago to go to a local drama play on that evening. He told me he wouldn't come unless I changed my mind. I went by myself. That was strange and I felt so awkward, but I went anyway. He went to his drinking buddies house and it's now Sunday and he still hasn't come back.
I spoke to his mom about what I am doing. She was amazingly supportive, and this surprised me. Her little boy is the apple of her eye. But, actualy she understands much more than I realised, and said I should do whatever I had to do. Neither she nor will dad will enable him through this. This gives me a tiny glimmer of hope for him, but I do know this is about me and not him.
I'm having a bad day today. I guess I'm at the disbelieving stage still. Just crying all day, but that's okay, I know I have to do this. I got a good novel and a big pizza and a box of chocs. And I have my sister's house to myself all day.
I know he loves me really, and I feel so sad that he is incredibly sick. In fact, through this I have lost any contempt and a lot of resentment at him I felt towards him. I can now see that he is so ill, and I can see that I myself am too. The difference is that I have been granted the grace to get better. This is my miracle in progress I truly believe.
I feel that the prayers that have been said for me through these pages have been a great strength to me. And I owe you all so much for that.
The week is going to be difficult for me I know, but with God's help will get there in the end.
Thank you all for listening. Now I have a huge pizza to get through!
I unfortunately know exactly what you are going through as my A wife has asked me for a divorce the day before yesterday. She didn't bother waiting for her recovery, she said she knows that she can not come back to the pressures of being a step mom, dealing with my ex, and working. She said she is not as strong as she thought she was. Unfortunately, she still insisted that she is not an alcoholic and that is really sad since she will still head down the road of destruction if she doesn't deal with it.
Jsut remember, we are here for you and you can lean on us when things get rough as I know I will be leaning on you during these next few difficult months. Keep your head up and know that you are doing the right thing for you and he has to do what is right for him.
Sending you all the love and support that can fit in a computer screen.
What a powerful decission to take care of you. The pizza, book, and chocolates sound like a good idea to :), just don't giver yourself a bellyache. Might wanna add a comfy blanket into that mix.
I am keeping you and your bf in my prayers. I hope you get the serenity you need and he finds the way to recovery.
Yours in recovery,
Mandy
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
