The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well... here I am... stuck wondering what to do. I love him but I am not sure I can live like this much longer. Living pay check to pay check because our money is spent at the bar and liqour store. I want to stay but I want to go. I want him to chose me over his buddies and his alcohol. I am just babbling... what do I do, how do I leave, do I stick around to see if he changes, if he choses me and our son. I lived with an alcoholic all my life, my dad, but he changed, chose his family, chose me, chose my mom. Am I hanging onto an empty hope? Should I leave...pack his stuff? Should I want and hope he comes home tonight and talk? 5 years and no change. I am STUCK... I AM LOST.... I love him... but is love enough anymore? I am a mess, hence "messy". Am I am alone... 5 years... down the drain... do I work to save something that does not feel important to him? Do I demand he stop drinking? UGGGGHHHH. My heart is breaking, my stomach in knots I want to puke.
Welcome to the board.. We all know exactly how you feel.. It is difficult living with an alcoholic and thats an understatement... It is really hard to know what to do and we cant tell you what is right for you and your son.. Search your heart, ask your HP for guidance he listens you know.. :)
I have learned in alanon I didn't cause my husband to drink I can't control his drinking and I can't cure him either
Hello Messy so glad u posted here today . Welcome What do I do ???
When u live with alcohlism you go a little nuts , your post takes me back along time ago when I felt exactly the same way u do right now. Luckily for me I got smart and got help for me by joining Al-Anon and getting to as many meetings as I could , met people who understood exactly how I was feeling and offered solutions to my dilema . There is nothing u can do about him but alot u can do for yourself.
I believe for me that by joining this program I found the strength to stay in my marriage because I didn't want to leave either. I promised myself I would do what this program suggested ( might a well nothing I was doing brought any results) and see how I felt in 6 months , well the time came and went and I was happier more content with myself and understanding that this is a disease and it a ffects everyone who is involved in different ways.
You need support and u will find it in al anon living with an alcoholic is very lonely , once settled in our program u are never alone again , unless of course u choose to be. IT is possible to find happiness wether he continues to drink or not ,Love him but detach from the pain of his disease. This is his problem to fix and nothing we do or say will make t hem drink or stop. Rorget what u think you know about Alcoholism and give us a try.
Al-Anon changed my life for the better and I believe my familys too. Husb has been sober 18 yrs now and I have been in Al-Anon for 20 . Neither AA or Al-Anon promises to save marriages but it does promise to return sanity to our lives. Getting your life back on track is not going to be easy but u don't have to do it alone anymore. You will find all the help u need in our program I hope u will find a meeting in your area and just do what it suggests. see what happens. good luck Louise
Hello, Messy! Welcome to a site where you will find, as I have, a wealth of good, caring people who understand and from whom you may find answers from their own stories and situations. I personally understand the place you are in right now. I don't think you would be wrong to leave your husband and I don't think you would be wrong if you stay. That has to be your own decision. Some people choose to leave and are able to cope with their decision and move on. Some people leave and go back many times before they come to their own conclusions. Some people, for whatever reason(s) can't leave. And some people choose never to leave. There are all kinds. If I were you, I would continue to come this site or wherever you feel offers you what you are looking for, and I would read as much literature on alcoholism as I could get my hands on to learn what it really is about. There is a wonderul series of booklets called "Getting Them Sober" you can get on the website of the same name ("google" it). They are done in a format that is easy and to the point and you think someone has been looking through your house windows and writing about you. You will, at some point in your own time, do what you think is the best thing for you! And in the meantime, come here as often as you can, post as often as you need or like, and you'll begin to see a light. I hope I have helped in some way.......jaja
It's not five years down the drain, look to see how much you have learned, look to see how much you can teach your son about addictions, if we are open to admit we are in a "mess". I believe that our HP ( I choose to call GOD ) puts us right where we are supposed to be, and if we ask His/Her guidance He/She will show us the way, all we have to do is listen. Listening and recognizing what HE is trying to bring me through is hard to. But I have learned to SURRENDER and let "Him take the wheel" anyway, I don't know where I am taking me, so why not give it to our HP? I know the dispair you are feeling right now, and it can be so devastating, that you just want to loose hope. But there is hope in every situation.
"If He brings you to it, He will see you through it." Just stop fighting it, and trying to control it.
Keep coming back, and read, read, read. That's about all I did when I found this sight was "Suck up everything everybody had to say" because they were once were I am. I don't have a face to face meeting in my area, this is all I got. The experience, hope and sharing that goes on here is unbelieveable.
Welcome! You are at the right place. We have all been where you are. I am at a crossroads even tho he has been sober for over 20 years. Read the posts and take what you like and leave the rest. What I am learning is that no one can make that decision to stay or leave for you. We can only give you lots of support. For myself, I stay sometimes and then I leave sometimes. So in the meantime I am trying for a direct shot to my HP.
