Hi everyone,  it has been awhile.  Lots has gone on, but the fact still remains, my husband is still an A and I am still affected.  Some of you know where I was a year ago when I found this room.  Sad, Confused (thus the nick), scared, the list goes on and on.  Well I am in some of those same places today.  But with the grace of this program and the belief in a Higher Power and a fantastic sponsor, I do not have to down as far.  YeaH!! 

So, signs of relapse are all over the radar.  And as a new one pops up, what I have to realize is that I cannot change it.  All I can do is to change how I react.  Progress.  Wow, I do have choices, but only over myself.  Here's a biggie, the A did not come home from work (all night) yesterday.  I did not expect him until early in the morning, maybe 4 or 5, but did not come home at all or call.  I did try to call him, voicemail.  And guess what, in between trying to call him, I actually got some sleep.  In the morning, I got up, got ready for work, got the kids off to school and went to work myself.  Just did the next right thing.  Oh yeah, and called my sponsor on the way to work and talked some of it through.  Then when I went out to my car on my break to check my cell to see if he had called there was no call.  But guess who did call, MY SPONSOR, I did not have to be alone.  At the end of the day there was a message from him, I called back and due to the fact that I had talked it out with my sponsor knew just what I needed to say and how to day it.  Said what I had to and that was that.  I need to let it go.  I will never know the truth and may not even believe it if I hear it, so why even go there.  It really doesn't matter, bottom line, I am only responsible for me. 

What to do now?  Kick up the program, set some boundaries and get ready for  the ride.  Hey, if I am ready and it doesn't happen that's okay to.

Thanks for being there.  This program is a gift and I am soooo grateful to all of you.

Lynn