The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've had a trying few days. my A and i have been fighting and instead of stopping to drink to deal with this, he just continued to drink day after day...
its usually only a couple of days a week that he drinks, but when we fight it is an everyday thing....
So i've been beside myself for afew days and i've wanted to end the relationship,but the only thing that got me thru was thinking what i have heard here soooo many times before....dont make a decision today. it really did get me thru.
But it was so hard trying to concentrate on work on those days.
The other thing getting me thru was MIP. i was turning on my computer yesterday with such a feeling of desperation that i need to be here and my mind was going a thousand miles an hour, and the tears were flowing and my heart was THUMPING and i was just desperate to read (it really does help SOOOOOO much), so i was turing on my computer and it totally died on me.
It was actually such a blessing. for the next 6 hours i was more stressed about my computer and i spent every second trying to fix it, and miraculaously this kept my mind off my A.
The entire time i was sitting there infront of my 'stuffed up' computer i was very aware that i had no time to think about my A problems, and it felt good to have something else to stress about. Maybe i am crazy...but i think it saved me yesterday.
Those days of endless drinking and arguments are so debilitating. There is a reason why the saying goes, "when we get busy, we get better". He may drink every day and "want" to continue this fight with you, but you don't have to participate.
As dear Christi says.... Blind him with butt and go do something else. (I love that... LOL)
It is so hard not to participate. We defend against the lies, we try to discount the anger, we justify what they find irritating... but in the end, it is all for not. In that daily binging, he is not in reality at all. He is saying whatever he can to make you crazy... it justify's his next drink.
The more we fight, the more reason they "think" they have to drink. Now I am NOT saying that you are causing his drinking. I don't mean that at all. They want to drink and they do. But what I have found is that if the day went perfect, they feel to guilty about drinking, so they will cause some chaos so that they have an excuss.
Do something for you, better yet... GO do something for you. I would meetings, hike around the mall, go to a park... whatever, and let my AW argue with herself if she wants.
Most of all ... take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Forgive yourself for crying. Honor your feelings. I have cried almost everyday for 2 years. But I try to walk a tightrope with my emotions so I don't self destruct. As rtexas says when we get busy we get better. Thank god for computers and MIP. Keep coming back.
Hey It's okay to cry. Enjoy it, as you cry, you are gettign realease from a build up of stress. If you keep It all In, you end up In a right mess.(I did). I was too proud to cry, I could handle EVERYTHING, life threw at me.(well I thought I was perfect)(lol).
Keep posting and getting It off your chest, ALSO, come join us In the chat room(dont know If you already do). But If not, come in, We are a lovely bunch of Individuals, all with a different story to tell. You will get more Instant relief from talking with our guys In the room.
Also we have been known to have a good laugh(or 100)(lol). Actually we are all mad.
