The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had an accident at work and all the red tape to get workers comp. has been a nightmare. Here it is a month later, I'm still in pain, not working, and with no income.
I was suppose to get married last month, but we had another huge arguement about my son and now we are separated. My son and I are living with my parents. And I really dislike living with my mom but thankful for a roof over our heads and a comfy bed to sleep in.
My son is begging me to go back home. He misses his friends and school. I want to go back home. Bf said I can come back home but my son cannot because of son's attitude and disrespect. I am not mad at bf for the way he feels about my son just hurt. I do blame my son for the way he acts but feel it is my fault for not showing him there are consequences for his actions. Regardless, I will not go home without my son.
Bf's exwife is refusing to let their daughter come down to see me now that bf and I are separated. She said since there was no visitation legally set up in the first place, she didn't have to let her daughter come. I don't think she's stopped to think of how she's hurting that girl.
Before we separated, bf had posted a $10.000.00 cash bond to get his oldest son (21) out of jail in another state. His son is supposed to be living at his fathers until court in December. His son is not mentally stable and tried to overdose Wednesday. he admitted to doing it to get attention because he hated stay at the house alone.
I have agreed to come back home to stay with him til bf can get back from out of state working. He will be back Saturday. Meanwhile, I'm torn. I feel I should be back at my parents with my son but I feel I should be here to take care of his son. But it is only 2 days. right?
It just feels like everything is so overwhelming right now. I am trying to remember that if I can't do it one day at a time then try one minute at a time.
It sounds like you have quite a lot on your plate right now. Remember to take care of you. Think about what you need and what you want to do. Take one day at a time--one step at a time.
My first thought was for your son. I hope he doesn't feel like you have chosen the bf over him or feel deserted. He desperately wants to go back to his friends and school but can't...but you get to go and stay with bf's son, leaving him behind. (I'm just trying to see it from his vew)
I can understand the bf not wanting to be disrespected in his own home. Is your son aware and willing to offer respect in exchange for going back? Does he need some anger management/ counseling?
Would bf stay with your son in the same way you are staying with his? I'm not saying that because he feels a certain way about your son that you should ignore his. My point is there needs to be give and take in any relationship and we always seem to be the givers.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Workers Comp can be quite a nightmare. Do you have the claim form and everything in place. I am not sure what state you live in but the laws have changed recently. Sometimes it is worth getting an attorney even if it is a small case.
I have had a lifetime of overinvolvement trying to please others, taking care of others over me and more. I get enmeshed in a second. I therefore have to be pretty careful who I get involved with, when and how.
The A's family is much the same as the one you describe full of petty jealousies,immature behavior and pay backs. I am so so glad I do not have to deal with them anymore.
The A's brother now lives up the street, he visits him often. They go from being totally uninvolved to overinvolved in a second.
I think for me it has to be first things first. First I have to take care of me, take even better care of me than I ever have. I have to work out what I need to do each week to take care of myself then I can have time and energy for others. The amount of time and energy I have for others is far less now than it has ever been. I have literally almost killed myself helping others in particular the A who of course has needs which are bottomless and who is never satisfied anyways.
Take care of yourself. You are entitled to medical care, look for it (I know that is difficult). Take care of your emotional help stop trying to please everyone.
