The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In working with my sponser I have begun to look at sanity and what that means to me and what sanity looks like now. The only point of reference I have to gauge myself on is life before the A. My life looked very different then. I was single, had a good job, my own apartment, a cat to talk to, and good friends and family. I came and went like I wanted to. I read lots of books. I went out to dinner, movies, shows, concerts, and dancing. I enjoyed people and doing new and different things. Then I met my A, fell in love and this whirlwind shook up my universe. Now after being in this program for a while and learning about this disease and myself and the flaws that I have, sanity for me means living in peace. Being able to laugh, cry, or be angry but not let it get to me for days. I can concentrate on work, a book, a friends conversation without turning my thoughts or comments to some problem I've been obsessing over. I feel mentally, spiritually, and physically better. My life has changed so much. I don't expect to come and go without telling people where I'm going. I don't expect to have gobs and gobs of time on my hands to just do nothing. Life is moving quickly all around me. Sanity for me means I'm not becoming enmeshed with A or other's people's stuff. I mind my own business and try to do the best I can with what I have, and be o.k. with that.
What does sanity look like to you? Please share if you wish. Hope everyone has a blessed day.
Peace,
Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Being the good al anon that I am, I insisted on looking up sanity in the dictionary the first time I attempted teh 2nd step; it suggested "what is culturally accepted as 'normal.'" Well, I took offense at "normal" but more to the point, I was offended because even the dictionary was clued into how absurd my behavior was pre recovery!
Today I look at insanity as when I try to exert power when I am powerless. Anytime I am using my character defects in a way that makes me feel powerful, I am practicing insanity in recovery. Being manipulative, conning, being hateful and obnoxious, these things I practiced with abandon in my insanity. When I *choose* to use these behaviors in recovery, what I'm really saying "I don't want to admit I can't control this situation; I'll do what I know how to do; I won't quit yet!"
My life befor theA was very like yours, and I then fell in love and experience the whirlwind you speak of.
I agree, sanity for me is just to be able to live in peace, to be treated with respect and to treat others with respect also.
The anger surges I went through while with theA were very shocking to me. I know now that I cannot allow them to take my sanity away. I felt they were. So, again peacefulness is what I need in my life.
Sanity to me also means being able to have respectful loving relationships in my life. To gain this I know I have to continue on in this programme and be willing to experience the growth it offers me.
I agree with Tiger that it is much about choices. I thought for a long time that I didn't have much of a choice. Now I know I was actually wrong. I always have a choice!
I pray that I am able to make good choices in my life. I pray we all can.
Sanity for me--not going out to my ah's shop to just "look around"--to see if he is hiding anything from me, not looking in the bed of his truck to see if he foolishly threw a beer can or crack can back there, not demanding to see receipts for every dollar he spends, being able to read a book and not look up every other minute to see if he is back from town, not feeling sick to my stomach every time I head home from work, praying to my HP to take care of me and my ah and then letting him do it!!
I don't know that I had a sane life before the A. I definitely had over involvement, enmeshment and more in my life. The A just brought it out more.
I don't see it as "him" being the entire issue. I have my own flaws, charactor defects and more.
I also have my own real dependency needs (which generally are not met by many relationships) financial issues and more.
So I am working on them. I don't know what sanity is yet. I know I get to points where I have peace and feel like I have taken care of myself. Perhaps when I have more I will feel better.
, and good friends and family. I came and went like I wanted to. I read lots of books. I went out to dinner, movies, shows, concerts, and dancing. I enjoyed people and doing new and different things. Then I met my A, fell in love and this whirlwind shook up my universe. Now after being in this program for a while and learning about this disease and myself and the flaws that I have, sanity for me means living in peace. Being able to laugh, cry, or be angry but not let it get to me for days. I can concentrate on work, a book, a friends conversation without turning my thoughts or comments to some problem I've been obsessing over. I feel mentally, spiritually, and physically better. My life has changed so much. I don't expect to come and go without telling people where I'm going. I don't expect to have gobs and gobs of time on my hands to just do nothing. Life is moving quickly all around me. Sanity for me means I'm not becoming enmeshed with A or other's people's stuff. I mind my own business and try to do the best I can with what I have, and be o.k. with that. 