The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all, I am new here. I've been married 6 years. My husband is an alcoholic. He says "functioning alcoholic". I told him this weekend the dead line is January 31, 2007 for him to stop drinking. If he doesn't stop I am seeking divorce. I have never been to Al anon, so I don't know the right way to deal with an alcoholics. But I set my date. The reason I set January 31, 2007, is because this is when his retirement will become effective. All I see for the feature is his continual daily drinking. I have never known my husband sober. So retirement won't do anything but free him up to drink more and heavier. I have prayed about this and come to the realization, that I don't have any other options that I know of. I am ready to let him go, because we don't have much of a marriage anyway. Alcohol is his constant companion.
My husband is a teacher and part time college professor...he had this whole summer off. He stayed drunk sun up to sun down and acted like a complete monstor the entire time. It has totally destroyed our marriage.
Be careful though giving him ultimatums...most alcholics will react vehemently to any effort to control them, and they can sink to unbelievealbe lows to "teach you a lesson" for trying.
Make a plan...that takes care of YOU. You can let him know...but don't count on him caring. Make the ultimatum about YOU. Something like "I don't like living like this...if he does not stop drinking before his retirement I am moving out...and this is where I will go...". Say this to YOURSELF and start making those plans girl!
When you tell him, make it short and simple. "If you don't get help for your drinking problem by the time you retire, I am moving out since I am NOT going to live like that". That is the end. DON'T tell him about your plans...just DO IT!
Welcome to the MIP family. Here you will find great experience, strength, hope, wisdom and a bit of humor (good for the ). It would be most beneficial to you if you could find some local face to face meetings in your area. If not, please join us for our online meetings here or come into the chat rooms. Go back and read some of the old posts. They were extremely helpful to me when I first came here. There are many good books for us Alanoners. Look at our Recovery Book Store for our literature.
Recovery means taking back your life. Living your life the way you see fit and doing what is best for you. You must not loose yourself in his disease. Recovery has to be about you and for you, regardless if he chooses sobriety or not. Take no prisoners. Alanon will help you do that.
Giving an A an ultimatum will work sometimes, not always. If you set this boundary you must be prepared to enforce it, otherwise it becomes a game. As you work this program you will be able to make choices that are in your best interest. Recovery is absolutely possible for us. Keep coming back to us.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Welcome! This website has been a blessing to me. I hope you will find it to be a blessing to you, too. There is either someone here who has lived through a similar situation - or just give support.
When my ex-husband and I split up - I gave him a date when I would move out by. I had lived so long with his abuse that I couldn't take it anymore. I set a date in my own mind, let him know what that date was, then I didn't talk about it any more.
I did make plans to move out. I had boxes packed, I got the U-Haul rented, friends were on alert to be available that day. With all of this going on around my ex, he was in complete denial - and acted shocked the day I moved out. He then tried all sorts of things to get me back. I knew that I had enough and wasn't going back.
I was lucky: I had friends who had known what I had been living with - and they were very supportive of my moving out. I had also been seeing a marriage counselor (who agreed that we didn't - and hadn't had a marriage for years) who continued to be an individual counselor.
It's never easy to move away from a person we've lived with - no matter how terrible the lifestyle. Take comfort in knowing that you are doing this for you - and not expecting him to change as a result.
Hello Rosemary and welcome to MIP. I understand your decision. I did it myself. I divorced my A last December. We are still together, and that could change at any time, but he is sober now, and when he is sober, he is WONDERFUL!!
Do try to attend AlAnon meetings in your area. You will learn so much. And remember...when you set a boundary, plan to stick to it, otherwise it is meaningless. And believe me, an alcoholic can tune right in on those meaningless boundaries and take advantage.
Please know that we all understand and support whatever decision you make about your life, because what is important in these circumstances is that we do what we feel is right for US.
All good wishes, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Hi Rosemary welcome to our family. You will find so much love and strength from everyone here. Each of us has been on the same journey as you just different times and locations worldwide. We are here for you whether your rollercoaster ride be up or down. Share any time of day or night. I am in Australia so when everyone else is sleeping I am wide awake. Sending you lots of hugs and take care of your needs first.. Luv Leo xxx
Glad you took the step to find us and Alanon... this program can restore peace, sanity, and serenity to your life. None of us can predict the future of another person, but if he is already actively drinking now, it is possible he will continue after retirement. The miracle begins with you. You have the power to change you, feel good about you, and take care of you. Your A will choose either to continue to drink and feed this disease or he will hit bottom and want help. Until he hits an all time low or a bottom he may not come to realize that his drinking is a problem. At this time it doesn't sound like its a problem for him, but its a problem for you and that is what matters to you. This is a wonderful place to come to and vent or get the support that you will need. Please keep coming back....if its not for you, you will know. When I first arrived at Alanon everyone told me to give it six weeks of meetings, reading literature, and learning all I could about this disease. I'm glad I did not give up. I'm happier today with myself than I've ever been before. Let the healing begin with you.
Peace,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Hi Rosemay, Welcome to the family. Glad you are here. That was a good first step. I know the fear and pain you must be going through. I had to make that decision not very long ago. The people here and in the chat room are a great comfort to me. Their love and understanding got me through a rough time. If you can find a face to face meeting in your area that would be really helpful. I told my AH that I wasn't sure of what I was going to do, that I needed time to make that decision. I took that time before I made my decision.
Know whatever decision you make you have love and support here. Take care of you, take your vitamins, eat, rest when you need to, do something that is fun. Try to take it easy and take it easy on yourself. You are worth it. You're in my thoughts and prayers, a friend in recovery, rosie
Thank you Guys! Thank you for your comforting words. I never knew how loney and sad I am until I started thinking about leaving and actually set a date. I am scared and I am sad, but I am strong. It doesn't seem to matter to my husband how I feel. He actually told me on more than one occasion " your feelings don't count" When I look back on this marriage. He has been cruel from the very beginning. But I have great faith in a higher power and I know that he is with me. I learned alot in the past 6 years about my own strength. Thank you all again for your welcoming words, you will never know how much I needed to hear them. Maybe you do know.
So glad you found alanon. I hope you find in it the things I have.....peace, happiness and most inportantly myself!
We will support any decision you make for yourself. And maybe instead of considering this an ultimatum consider it a boundary. Any major changes we make in our lives, even the one's we know are right, can bring feelings of fear and sometimes confusion. Just remember to do what you need to do for YOU.
). It would be most beneficial to you if you could find some local face to face meetings in your area. If not, please join us for our online meetings here or come into the chat rooms. Go back and read some of the old posts. They were extremely helpful to me when I first came here. There are many good books for us Alanoners. Look at our Recovery Book Store for our literature. 
