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Lately my A comes off as is if I'm the one who has a problem which maybe I do - I am co-dependant, after all - but so does he! He's an alcoholic!!! He goes to AA again now ( starting 2 mos.or so ago) and he knows I'm back in Al-Anon. But he acts like he's a pro who works a program and I am simply a newcomer who doesn't understand as much as he. During a conversation the other day, when I brought up something he apparently wasn't ready to talk about, he says " Did you go to your meeting??" the same way he might say to one of the kids, "Did you do your homework or not?". He doesn't like it when he knows I'm angry (okay. I need work on how to deal with anger) and has said to me " You have so much anger in you!" But HE'S angry at me for being angry! He mentioned two guys in the program both of whom have befriended him, one is his sponsor. He likes the meeting (one of the guys pick him up) and he said they go for coffee afterwards and talk. He told me that his sponsor said that one of the problems in our marriage is that we go to bed at night with garbage or something under the bed. First of all, he needn't tell me what he and his sponsor talk about. Second of all, he says it like it's my fault and that he & his sponsor know where the changes need to be made - mainly with me.( I do not believe his sponsor speaks in that way) It's like he thinks I need to learn how to behave if I have an issue about something which means "quit your bitchin' ". I know that we both a long way to go in recovery but I feel like telling him to get off his high horse.......jaja
I think alcoholics can be incredibly arrogant. I told one of the A's friend, an alcoholic if there was one about a job at the hotel I work in. He went to some job fair and told the interviewer he could do the job blindfold. Talk about arrogance. The irony is that he really really needs a job!!!
I don't tell the A anything about recovery at all. He just says oh you should just put it all behind you. The A has managed to isolate me very very very well. I do not permit that anymore. I am in time going to go to some ftf meetings and I can't wait to have some places to go.
I really do hope that I am going to be able to find my way out of this relationship its like being silence and isolated, manipulated and trashed daily.
I hope your partner is going to get recovery. The A has serious serious health issues from his addiciton but still he has no desire for recovery so there is no hope for him. Indeed I think in many many many ways he gets worse all the time. He is certainly violent and abusive and plain mean all the time.
I think their arrogance ironically enough comes from their incredibly low self esteem they can't face that so they blow themselves up to be experts on everything.
