The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The A has already started on the trying to manipulate me for Thanksgiving stuff. He has been saying how low his brother is. Every year since I got together with the A they all spent thanksigivng with his mother. At some point I opted out of that because I felt resentment over it. I never saw one of them wonder what I was doing for Thanksgiving. Now the mother isgone off married to her new spouse, they are on their own. Suddenly I am supposed to step in and help them out. I am not going to. I have made arrangements to work more next week firstly because I am busy, secondly I now have to pay the insurance on the truck too (the A wasn't paying it but oh I forgot I am never supposed to mention when I pick up the tab for him). Thirdly I would have to pay for it and I mean all of it, the A volunteers nothing.
So I am not cooking and I know sooner or later it is going to boil down to his resentment spilling out. I am sure a friend of the family can offer them something they are two grown men who can provide from themselves. The brother is working and can provide for himself, the A is working and can provide for himself. I am through taking care of him over me.
This week I almost wavered and said Oh I'll cook. then I remembered I would have to come back to the group and say I caved so I said nothing. So that is the good thing for me to say nothing and think about it before I commit.
Good girl!!! Keep it up! I know it will be hard and you might feel guilty, but that will pass and on Thanksgiving day when you don't have a HUGE mess to clean up and you don't have to go to the grocery store and wonder how you are going to pay for eveyrthing you will be soooooo happy!!!
lol, if nothing else we keep you true to yourself :)
As you said, A and his brother are both big boys. Sounds like a good time for them to go out to eat together. If he's concerned about his brother that he's feeling low, it's his brother to deal with. Remember, he's an adult and can make his own choices just as you have to.
There's other options for him. Eat with friends, go out for dinner, cook it themselves etc. Gee, he may have to do something other then sit and wait to be served.
Working doesn't sound like much fun either but you know what needs to be done. You aren't going to be in the Anchorage area are you? lol You can come have dinner with us after work :)
Take care Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
That is so good....not caving to something you don't really want to do. I know you wish that it could be a holiday you could enjoy with your loved one. If you did not spend the holiday with his family before the mother left, maybe you could offer a suggestion for the A and his brother do something together for the day...like they did when mom was there. If they can't or won't cook then they can go out to dinner or have it sent in.
Hope you can get through this day with peace and calmness.
