The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Feeling pretty good this AM. I have been waiting for my AH to break the polite silence that we have been living with ( for 2 weeks) since he returned from his vacation. I been waiting for a kind word or acknowledgement that my feelings were hurt by his actions before he left. Well it finally dawned on me that that was never going to happen. What a relief to let that go. Pretty simple really....Now I will have to pray to my HP to figure what MY next step will be.
I know how uncomfortable those silences can be. Good for you to realize that an apology may never happen.... it is good to start thinking about your behavior, I try to be compassionate and kind no matter what is going on. It is best for my health, that is the behavior that is in my heart.
Unfortunately alcoholics' behaviors are so unpredictable. Luckily mine is not physically abusive but emotionally abusive sometimes, everything I do is wrong sometimes. Maybe that is how yours is. It is just best to not take it personally.
I pray for your health and recovery, and good for you to begin to let things go!!! It does feel free, doesn't it? We have no control over anyone else, their behavior or their actions. We HAVE to let it go to HP.
I'm looking for that magic word, phrase or prayer that makes it better also.
I've been praying and working on detachment but its lonely having the shadow of what was living here. My H has come in late and left early the last 2 days - I probably only heard 3 words from him. This morning he didn't even bother to say Goodbye was just gone.
He is a functioning A, goes to work, does what is necessary (I guess) then stops by a bar on the way home. He had a regular schedule for a while but now we never know.
I usually go to 2 ftf meetings a week and volunteer and see friends and my therapist but the grief of a marriage falling apart is still there.
I pray for guidance and to Let Go and Let God and I will also have to find my next step.
I think that is a good point. I have waited so long for the A to acknowledge how destructive he's been to me. He says sorry so rarely and I doubt he means it.
I have to give up waiting it is not going to happen. Why hold out for it?
I will say I am jealous of you! I think getting to that point where you just stop looking for what you know isn't going to happen could be so freeing (is that a word?). Just accept what is and decide what you want to do about it. Not that feelings don't matter, but like they are taken out of the equation.
Keep taking care of you. I wish you peace as you find your next right step.
