The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hope everyone enjoyed the weekend. Over the weekend I took some time out to just slow things down a bit in my head. Life has been moving pretty fast in my world lately and its been difficult to get a hold on what this all means. Things are going very well for my A. He's recently been offerred a job learning how to install and splice fiber optics with my brother. I didn't expect my brother to make the effort to offer this awesome opportunity to my A because the last time my bro and spoke he said he just didn't want to give the A another chance to piss him off. He didn't want to have to forgive him for anything else. I had to allow my brother to have his feelings and not sugar coat it or make excuses for the A. Just said well, it will take time for trust to build. It will take time to see the A doing the right things in his life, but he is. My brother has noticed how my A is maturing and growing. Sobriety is to thank for that. My A's priorities appear to be changing. I see him excited and passionate about this opportunity and it could mean a life change financially for our family that we have not had before. My A has pushed aside all those things in his life right now that do not serve a purpose in helping him become successful and prosperous. The doubts have been melting right out of me... a good time no doubt.
As I'm sitting on my mom's porch this weekend in the silence able to meditate and pray and thank HP for the blessings being giving to us and feeling so grateful and humble to people and HP in my life I get this feeling of worry. "It can all be destroyed very quickly". All these thoughts in my head.. I've lived in worry and fear for so long, always waiting for the shoe to drop. Never relaxing and breathing a sigh of "we made it", or " glad that's over"; because usually the "flit would hit the shan" soon after that. It is the reality with living with or around an A. My hopes is that my A continues on this good path of recovery he certainly owes it to himself to do something for him that he's never done. The guilt and remorse he has right now over years spent on drinking and doing drugs has been overwhelming to him and I see that driving him now to take this new job and make it everything it could be. Its hard letting go and saying what will be will be. Its not up to me... and so I find myself using program tools just to calm down and say to myself, "enjoy right now". Enjoy the peace and harmony we have right now, because I don't know how long it will last. Being a worrier has been a part of me since I was a little girl. It has driven me to be so over bearing and controlling with people, usually my family. Breaking free from that is so hard. I am getting better at catching myself and have recently seen my mother beign so controlling and often over bearing with me and her husband. My mom expects that because she does something one way, she expects that other's do it that way too. I see now how that modeling has impacted my life. So I keep telling myself, its o.k. to be different and to appreciate those differences I have with others. It makes us unique.
Just wanted to share that today.
Peace,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Thanks for the great share. Your growth is very real. How long does it last? I've been in this program of recovering families for over 27 years. That is an eternity for me. As long as I stay in and practice the principles of the program I am assured that it will continue to go on. This is the place with solutions. This is the place with people with real experiences just like mine that they share with me. This is the place with so many different suggestions from so many different (yet the same) family members that I don't have to rely only upon my own thinking and experiences. I can relax at anytime and look around and reach out like you have and test whatever is going on around me that is working for others just like your share is working for you. I am so grateful for recovery shares like yours and know that my HP allows me many many sources to tap into for peace of soul and serenity. I can relax because God, my HP, is doing when and where I cannot. I am okay, I am fine, I am unafraid. That ain't where I came from but where I came to.
My weekend was so very powerful. As a part of other active recovering members of this district, who made the decision to host the area assembly for Friday, Saturday and Sunday I will tell you that I am riding the consequences of that spiritual endeavor and will continue to do so well into next week. Everything that is planned and done by everyone in attendence is about service to each other and to all other members of the program in this area and district even if they are not at the assembly. It was the business of the AFG with the fellowship and the steps, traditions, slogans, principles, literature, meetings etc etc.
Physically all I needed to do was crash for an hour after not sleeping for 24. I was energized physically and back to level. Spiritually I wouldn't have dared rest. Saturday night ended with a "candlelight" meeting with over 40 in attendence. You hear the voices and spirit and don't get confused with faces. The subject was anonymity...how very appropriate that HP works the script out and we just volunteer for the the roles huh? The speaker for the dinner has grown just like you have an the last time I heard her speak, over 4 years ago she was worried about "when is it okay for her to relax?" She was relaxed and had grown so much and gave it all away. Sunday's spiritual speaker was afraid that the attendees would see her knees shaking and requested a dias to speak from behind. There was no need because she was so relaxed.
When is it okay to relax? Do it now any time you want. HP is in charge anyway.
Great job in enjoying the "right now" - after all that is all that we really have - remember when those doubts & fears of tomorrow try to take the joy of "right now", your HP has already got tomorrow covered!! So relax and enjoy the blessings He has for you today!!
So glad that you are doing so great at taking care of yourself!
Keep up the good work!
Easy Does it,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
That all sounds so great! I am so happy for you and your family. Hang on to the good feelings, because just as you are so sure the other shoe will fall.... heck it may never fall. Don't waste a minute waiting for that.
Keep taking care of you and that family, you are doing fine.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I know what you mean about wanting to relax, but also being afraid to relax. I actually relax and then kind of freak out--"what was I doing relaxing, shouldn't I be worrying??!!". My ah has been sober for 3 months from drugs and 4 from alcohol. Somedays are better than others and when I get aggravated b/c things still aren't where I think they should be--I think back to how they were and how far he has come and I remember to be thankful!
You sound like you are doing good. Just keep it up. I am so glad things are going well for you.
