The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone I've been really focussed and caught up in getting my house ready to sell, I haven't had much time to reflect on what I've been through in the past couple of months.
Here's a quick recap... I filed for divorce and left my A/CH husband in September. He didn't handle it well, left a drunken voicemail message on my cell phone in which he fired a gun. My attorney and the judge both flipped out about the voicemail message and made me file a personal protection order against my husband.
I'm now living with my mom in a nearby town. I spent several weeks getting the house cleaned up, packing some things, fixing some things, and finishing some 1/2-done projects left by my husband.
Now that I'm done with the house I find that I'm really feeling sad. I know that I did the right thing. I know that my husband was not going to get any help no matter what. He's still drinking and using. I know that I have a great future ahead of me. I still feel very sad right now.
I'm missing the man that I married 16 years ago... not the one I just left. He was my best friend. We had a good thing going for several years. I guess this sadness will just have to run it's course. I know it will pass. I'm trying to keep myself busy. The divorce will be final by the end of this year. Seems so quick and so final.
Thanks for listening... Artygirl.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
It is so hard to see someone you love so much disappear right before your eyes.. I know when I get a glimpse of the man I married I just melt inside. I think it is normal to feel so sad, you are walking away from your dreams and opening a new door.
For one, you're grieving the end of a very special relationship. This was a person at some point that you blew off steam with and at; that you cried with and to; that you got excited with and to. You shared. You lost. You're grieving.
Now having said that, something that helped another member: make a memory book of the house. Make a memory book, using your favorite photos. Don't hold anything back. Include the bad times. They're a part of your memories too. Include the scary times--what happened in the end? Include the stupid times--the OMG, I just wanted TO KILL YOU! times. You'll see exactly why you're grieving: this is a complex story.
Somewhere along the way, when your sponsor thinks your ready, do a fourth step on your marriage too. Be sure that, at the end of the day, you're owning your baggage and yours alone. Make amends for your side of the street and yours alone. Take care of your pain and your pain alone. ((ART))
I am impressed by the fact you have kept at it and not given into paralysis. I feel like I am on a better track recently but sometimes I can still flounder.
I do think grief takes a while. I also think that divorce is a process. Sometimes it takes us a long longer than the decree to get through.
This may be what brings your former husband to treatment, maybe it will take him longer who knows?
I am almost in your very same shoes.....and it is sad....it is painful....sometimes we can only see the men they were before addiction took them away from us.....
I have filed for divorce as well, only I am keeping my home...my kids deserve that much......the pain at times is immeasurable.......my heart is breaking constantly....
My hope for you is that you find the peace you need and deserve.......I hope you find a life without hell.....because living in addiction is just plain hell.....keep moving forward...
