You know the daughter I told you about in my last post? The one who had the baby just before graduating college? Well, her boyfriend is in jail. For 3 years as of last month.(yeah. The one who doesn't drink, do drugs, or come from a dysfunctional family. Jeez!) One night last December, after finishing dinner, boyfriend was going out the front door of their house when some plainclothes police (or detectives. whatever.) grabbed him out the door and handcuffed him. He didn't know what was going on and my daughter sure didn't. She called me immediately,terrified, and in a hushed voice told me they were walking around the house as though they were looking for something and she was sacred to death. I remember being scared,too! Her boyfriend is a good person, hard worker, and takes good care of my daughter and grand-daughter. Other than having to pinch pennies like everyone else, they had a good life going for themselves. We couldn't imagine what had happened. To make it short, it seems that quite a long while ago, boyfriend made a very, very, stupid choice. His family has an old, abandoned house that he used to keep the dog in since their landlady wouldn't allow them to keep him in the rental house they have. He'd go there to take care of and walk the dog around the area. Well, one day a cousin, whom he didn't really see all that often, asked him if he could keep some rifles in the attic of the abandoned house. Boyfriend not only told him okay, he didn't even ask him why! He should've just flat out said no but he didn't and that serious lack of judgement was to alter their lives forever. Apparently, the cousin was involved in some sort of criminal activity and was being watched which meant that boyfriend was being observed going in the house and walking the dog (a pitbull). My daughter never knew about anything being in the house but the dog. Anyway, that is why the police came that night and took boyfriend away in handcuffs (they actually were nice and told my daughter it wasn't about anything but a dog). It was a terrible night to get through. His boss put up a lot of money for bail and my A and I,while not excusing boyfriend, tried to give hope that maybe he'd just get a long probation since he had no record. It was not to be and my daughter was smart enough to realize that. In her profession, she has to spend a lot of time in court with clients and understands the system far better than me and my A. She was torn between the love she feels for boyfriend and anger towards him for having done something so stupid like this that would turn their lives upside down. He was sentenced to a minimum of 3 years for what is called a violent crime (harboring weapons or something). To say that it was depressing is putting it mildly. They have a 6 yr. old daughter! My daughter believes that,though she still loves him, maybe now he will appreciate life and family even more.......But now the even harsher reality is hitting because she is now alone in a town hours away from us, has no family around for support (his family is not very helpful) and now must raise their daughter alone for the next 3 years.......A few nights ago, she called me and my heart broke for her. I could tell she was down in the dumps and as we talked, she began to cry. She said she was lonely and she didn't know what to do. She asked herself questions like 'am I still in a relationship?', 'do I just wait for 3 long years, how do I explain to my daughter who loves and misses her daddy, how do I hang on financially,I can't leave my job that I hate but maybe I should come home to you where my daughter will be surrounded by a big family, he is in a prison 5 hrs. away - I can't afford to see him much' ' It would be different if he did something bad like beat me or rob someone or killed someone because I could end the relationship and leave him and get on with my life. I want to keep the faith and I believe we are given things to learn from them but I'm having a hard time'.......It was so heartbreaking for me to hear my baby cry. She is 28 yrs. old, has done very well for herself and has never asked me for anything.She's made a good life for my granddaughter amd I am proud of her. But she will always be my baby and it killed me to hear her cry. I told her to take it one day at a time and to say the serenity prayer often and that I will be here for her whenever she needs me for whatever she needs me for. But just as we were hanging up, she asked me,"Will you ask <my A> to please pray for me because I am lost and I need help. Please, Mom, pray for me". Then we hung up, I cried and cried and cried. I feel helpless as to how to help but I can only do what I can do.......... I tell you, things I've learned in All-Anon meetings, this site, and reading, have been like a life-line for me. I think about how I've had to go through having an empty nest, an horrendous fight with my A and his moving into a motel room down the road, my daughter's boyfriend being sent away to prison, and my teenage son telling me about girlfriend being pregnant - all in 2 months. There was a time when I would have had a serious case of "poor, pitiful me" but I think I'm doing okay. I'm trying at least. My A and I have had to talk about all this stuff and he ended the conversation with "well, we can't do anything but be there for the kids. I'm taking it one day at a time." I agree (for once). Like my daughter, I believe it is meant that we learn from what we are given and that we aren't given more than we can handle and that we should never underestimate the power of prayer. Thank your all for your 'listening ears', and for your warmth and advice. I don't know where I'd be without you.........jaja     (God grant me the serenity...)