The A's mother has gone.  She is off three states away.  Needless to say after all her demands she isn't unpacking her truck anytime soon. After weeks of her demands she is finally off the horizon.  Now the A's brother enters.  He is drinking to total excess, totally smashed every night. He works as a driver, clearly this won't go on for very very long.  He lives above a bar, but I think it wouldn't matter where he lived. He is in some grief about the mother.  Why I'm not sure but he is.

So rather than be superhuman rescuer which I normally am, I do and say nothing but watch. Every night the A goes out to check on his brother.  I don't invite the brother over at all. I am busy with my own projects, some of which involve my decluttering. Normally I would have invited the brother over and would be out every night checking on him too.

My job is in a similar crisis mode.  They made a wrong hire.  The work is all backed up. They asked me to come in one night extra, lucky for me I was busy that night. I know under normal circumstances I would be way overinvolved. I would want to know what the status was of the backlog. I would be wondering if and when this woman would quit. Now I am just trying to stay out of it.

I have had a very very very hard time not saying one smart remark about the mother and the way she carried on after her wedding, during her wedding well anytime around her wedding. She packed nothing, she had everyone run around for her for weeks on end. She screamed and shouted at the end of her stay/move because things did not go as she wanted.  I am so so glad I was not involved at all. Nevertheless I heard about it, I had to deal with my own feelings about it and that was exhausting.

So what I am finding that doing nothing, standing back, detaching, dealing with my own feelings is a lot of work.  Needless to say it isn't as much work as being super involved, super over committed and super available to the point of killing myself.  Nevertheless this situation brings up tons and tons and tons about my childhood and adolescence and adulthood which was total enmeshment and total overinvolvement all round. 

Detaching is a tremendous on going all out effort for me.

Maresie.