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i was in the chatroom yesterday and wanted to update those i spoke with and the rest of you. if you dont know my a and i split a little over three months ago. and i've been doing pretty good. he has not. he is very mentally unstable and went completly to cocaine. that is his choice. but the past month or so he has been threatening suicide and basically taking me on this horrible roller coaster ride with him. but it was choice to get on too i guess. i could have chose to stop speaking with him but for fear he would kill himself i chose to continue talking to him. this did a horrible thing to me. i was manipulated and lied to again. the whole time he said he was in recovery he was really using. i didnt get expectations i learned from the past not to trust him. so yesterday i was told all of this and he was on a four day binge trying to od on coke. he said he bolted himself in his room and tried to use till he died but it didnt work. over 800 dollars worth of cocaine. i made a promise to myself the next time he spoke of killing himself i'd pick up the phone and call the cops as i cant handle it. so i did just that. they went there checked him out then left. no mental assessment or anything. but i did my part. there is nothing i can do if he chooses to end his life. so i told him to let me go, i cant watch him die. if he goes to treatment call me when he's out or call me when he gets a chip. i will be there as a friend to someone in recovery not to help him plan his funeral. there is alot of hurt within me watching someone i love do this to themselves. but i must detach.
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
You are doing absolutely fantastic. Anyone that would put another human being through the "I'm gonna do myself in and it's all your fault" is very emotionally unstable and needs help. I'm proud of you.
It is so difficult to detach while we know the A is on a down spiral. You are right there is nothing you can do if someone means to kill themselves it won't matter how many times you try and save them, when someone means it they mean it. Sounds like your A is having a mental breakdown coupled with his addiction. I see it as a positive when he calls you threatening it, because in my experience that is the person reaching out asking for someone to come in and stop them. Sadly, some end up successful in taking their own lives and not really meaning to because they have played around with it so often. I think you made the right choice in phoning the police. I'd keep doing it each time, eventually they'll get tired of going out there, or someone there will think, hey lets do a Baker Act on this guy. Its not a joking matter, I used to get enraged at some of the people I've worked with that would threaten suicide to their family's only to get attention. Its sad because they just don't think rationally that they don't have to feel this depressed and hopeless, if they want the help its out there. Thank you for sharing that experience with us and a good use of your boundaries.
Living One Day At A Time,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
My A/CH is in self-pity, may as well go kill myself, mode as well. I don't think that he's serious he's just trying to drag me with him while he's circling the drain again. I can't stand it. I don't want to be around it. I don't want my daughter around it. He's not going to meetings, he doesn't want to return to his home group, call his sponser or any of his aa friends. I can't make him work his program - I can only do myself. But I really want slap him silly and wake him from this continually stupid slump.
How do all of you deal with this?! It's making me crazy. I don't have the means or strength to leave him right now. But I don't think he's felt any of the effects of his using on our home life. so what? his wife and daughter spent one night away from home and made yet another empty threat to leave permanently should he use again. I just feel so damned tired of the whole thing.
I thought we were partners in this life... I thought that he'd recover along with me and we would grow together instead it seems we are growing apart. I'm sick of being the strong one, the "grown-up" in a house full of infants (my husband-40yrs, daughter-3mons, dog-1yr, 2cats-2months each.) I'm about to hit my 24th birthday and I'm the only one of any of my friends who has a life as challenging and complicated as I do. I want to rewind the tape and start over. Please someone, I'm surfing these boards and responding - I need some help.
