The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I made a lethal mistake of telling the A I am going on a job interview. This morning he starts in at 4:30 the house is a mess, then he moves onto that I buy too much dog food (he has accused me publicly before of neglecting the dogs). Now he is off on a riff about his socks being missing. It is this non stop ranting and screaming. Now in the past I would say something back. These days I don't. I say not one thing. I ask him for nothing. If I have to crawl to the interview I will.
I had not really wanted to see this before how he deliberately sabatages me but now I have no doubt about it. He is working at the moment,he has more work than he can contend with yet he is still unhappy, still blaming me for everything. Still ranting. This morning he goes on and on and on about the house is dirty. Guess whose room is the most disgusting - his. I've been working 7 days a week and have not had a break in 2 weeks doesn't matter to him. He still thinks the whole world should revolve around him.
I will not make the same lethal mistake about telling him my business in the future. I am just going to keep it to myself. He has sabataged me enough. I have another interview on Monday for a job I could do in a heart beat. When I last had an interview like that he caused a huge row for me and totally sabataged the interview. So believe me I will be saying nada, nothing, not one word about that interview because I need the job in order to get away from his craziness. I really did not want to see he sabataged and tried to control me now I see it in crystal clear writing on the wall.. he does not care about me, he wants his own way...he wants to be "in control" that is his entire bottom line.
The joy for me is in directing my anger, he is not going to provoke me. I just totally ignore him. I say absolutely zip. I just keep on getting ready for my interview and do like is suggested here. I am made of rubber...it all bounces off me.
Today I have a long hard day of running to this interview (which is a long way away) and guess what he has to take the truck or else he will demolish the house in his tantruming. He already threw stuff.... So I will be getting there on my own. So today I learned a crucial lesson, tell him nothing...nothing at all, just keep working on plan b. And direct, direct, direct my anger into tasks rather than in remonstrating or arguing or trying to persuade him that he is totally off the wall.
It is soooo hard not to reply to the accusations they make...it is a human response to automatically want to defend ourselves.
In my relationship with my AH I found out (finally) that my defense or angry reaction was just what he wanted me to do. If I argued back with him that validated his anger and the big "fight" was on.
However, when I finally realized that and began to do as you said, and let it bounce off of me, he had no one to validate his temper tantrum.
Keep up the good work and good luck on your job interviews!
You don't have to let him upset you on the day of your job interview. It is upsetting that he is not supporting you, but you can choose to see this as a part of his disease. He is upset because he is recognizing that you are moving forward with your life and are not tied to him.
You can choose to see your day in a way that allows you freedom and joy. And a way that allows you to earn your job.
You've got him on the run, he is afraid that you will see how sad he is and move on. He is scared that if you are doing better you will realize that this isn't fair and leave. You keep doing what you're doing. You are right though, I wouldn't give him the opportunity to sabotage another thing for you. He doesn't need to know what you're doing especially when he's trying to hold you back and keep you down. I know it's hard to focus on an interview when you're thinking about all the chaos at home let go and ask your hp to take this one!
Maresie go forward don't look back. You can do it. He is doing all this out of fear. If you have financial independence it gives you outs which do not include him. Keep your growth on track and keep posting so we can support you. We are proud of every step you take. Luv Leo xxx
