I deal with this all the time with the A I live with.  I am so so so glad I never married him. It is difficult enough to do a plan b, if I were married I would never get out from under his debt.

He is really happy to go on and on and on about his accomplishment. He never asks how I am, how the pets are, how anyone I know it.  Never.

I know he gets this from his mother who is the most self absorbed person I have ever met.  I also know he gets the idea the world totally revolves around him. 

I think it is formidable you can deal with this affair. As many of us have shared, my main issues have been with his family (who are totally dysfunctional) and his friends who take priority over everything. There are lots of ways to express infidelity. I endured a 2 year long odyssey (before I got to Al-anon) with the A putting a friend of his on some pedastel. The guy practically lived at our house, I know he slept here when I went to stay at a motel.  He ate, slept, broke things, came in the house shook me awake one day because he needed something (no the house was not on fire), took up the entire driveway with his projects (I could not even get to the trash can) backstabbed me to the neighbors and more.

I grieved, raged, raged some more, withdrew, fell into a depression.  Eventually I started setting simple limits, when that guy was around I locked all the doors.  He could be in the driveway but he was never going to come in my home and disturb me again.  I stopped speaking to him (that was a good boundary).  So what I would suggest is that you put up boundaries for yourself. Don't cross them.  Discuss how you feel with someone else. I don't think A's (who are active) take feelings very well.  Process it and process it and then rearrange the boundaries. Don't give into impulsivity. Do you need to know.  I do not know how much time/energy/money (they were supposedly in a business partnership) or what that former friend is doing now. I do not need to know. I know for sure that man crossed so many boundaries with me I will never let him even near me again.  The locked door is a powerful symbol for me.  The A used to allow him in the house to use the phone do what he wanted while I was out.  I am still angry about that and know the A would just have every friend in the world shacking up here if I was not around.  I found evidence more than once that one of his friends had slept on the couch (which is where I sleep). 

I think A's cross boundaries, pulverise them and blow them apart.  I think in recovery one of my major major tasks has been to resurrect and build boundaries and hold them up and keep holding them up.

Maresie.

Same story here, the A constantly talks about how he knows more than everyone at work and he does better bla bla bla (actually might be some truth to it but he can't be smarter than everyone) Sometimes I ask him if you're so damn smart then how come you can't figure out how to quit drinking or using?????  How come you can't see what you're doing to everyone around you and just stop it????

Most of the time I find that he talks about all these things he can (but never does) do.  and all the things he's going to (but never does) do.  Seems that if there's money involved he can do his best but other than that it's all just talk.  It's sad because for many years now I've had no faith and when he says he's going to do something I think YA RIGHT even though I may go along like he's really gonna do something.

The other thing I find with him is that he never thinks he's good enough or he thinks that people expect way more of him than they do so he expects too much from himself. 

I know now that it's better for me if I just nod and agree outwardly and think what I really think in my head and not out loud!  After all, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.