That's pretty standard, actually.
What you're doing is you're becoming AWARE of the tapes in your head, and, until you sought recovery, you just accepted these tapes as the truth. The tapes that say how stupid you are, how good for nothing you are, how you're a failure,....
The key to awareness is, well, acceptance too. The more aware I become of my world the more I can choose--or not--to give it my time and patience. What I did with all these tapes was I wrote them out, and I wrote about them. I wrote about how they made me feel, and what impact they had in my life, and I went to EXTREME lengths to resesearch them.
I noticed somethings as a result
First off, I noticed that all these old tapes were placed in my head by my father when he was drunk. So right there that told me alot. I mean, a person who's drunk, even if I don't know them, evokes pity from me. So right there the voices took on a lot less significance.
The second thing that came out of the writing was that my sponsor, the peple in the meetings, the literature, all had said at length that you, too, had these tapes. You, too, had been told that you were worthless good for nothings. So I realized that I was not the first, not the last not the only. So again, the voices lost power over me.
The last thing I noticed was that I was more prone to these tapes when I was Hungry Angry Lonley Tired. So even today I give myself extra attention to make sure that doesnt happen. That I don't get too HALT. Because whenever I am vulnerable or in one of those positions, the voices start and MAN, when they start, it's darn near impossible to turn'em off.
But they CAN be turned off. I go to a meeting and share. I call my sponsor and talk. I can talk here like you did (way to go, btw ) and I can write about it in my journal. I can take ACTION to STOP the insanity and the pain.
Ultimately, as time has gone on, as I've continued to work the steps, as I've continued to pray, the voices have lost power over me. And it's only on my bad days that I notice them. But there's the old football saying a good defense has a good offense. So I take a good offense every day to make sure they don't come back. ((HUGS))

(((((Katrina2000)))))

I have traditionally always been very independant and very self assured.  In the throws of this disease however I fell into a lot of self doubt.  The disease is most comfortable when we are off balance I have found.

So... if the A can constantly change their mind about reality, we sound as if we are constantly at odds with them.  Then they have a reason to be miserable that is outside of themselves.

That can crush a person's spirit.  Did mine.  One of the most important parts of this program and this board, is so we can understand that we are not alone.  That what you are going through is not because you are defective. 

It is a tough situation to be in on our best days, on our worst days we blame ourselves... for not saying the right thing, not doing the right thing... for somehow not fixing the problem. 

Only when we realize we can't fix their problem, we can't say or do anything to make this dissappear, can we be free to try and fix what we can... US. 

You deserve to not feel like a failure. You are reaching out for help which is a win.  That is so much more than many people do.

I know this to be true, and I still have days like yours... but now I know I don't have to stay there!  It is very empowering!

Know we are here for you and take care of you!  You deserve it!

Hello Kat ,  a looser ???? I don't think so .  We all tried to fix people with this damn disease and it's 'not ours to fix , we were doomed to fail . We were n ot the ones with the problem.

Never a failure unless u  quit trying . dust yourself up and get back on the right track again, looking after you . You are the only one u can fix .   and the only one u have the right to change.  good luck Kat .  Louise