The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, the AH called again from AZ. I have been writing down all the numerous reasons that I don't want to go there again in the journal AND there are MANY! Whenever he calls he is crying and always asks the same questions. Can we be together again when I get back? Is there someone else? As if I can't just be happy by myself. Now I'll admit, at first I was chatting and going on dating sites and really looking but then I realized I'm really not that unhappy and why do I want to fill the void of a problem with another problem which is inevitabaly what I will get if I go that route. SO the question I pose is... is it wrong for me to lead him on that there may be hope in the future when I feel there is not? I am not nailing shut any doors but I am feeling fairly strongly that I don't want to go through all that leads up to this leaving part again. He is so sad and depressed and wants me to give him hope when he calls but I don't want to lead him on only to have it thrown in my face later that I said I would...... Any insight into this would be helpful. Sofar I have been trying to be kind but these assumptions about there being someone else are kind of pissing me off because #1 it means I can't be alone and #2 It assumes that he even has a right to know even though I moved out!
Thanks for all your wise words and support sofar. By the way, he said again that he is coming back here (NC) AND he is staying at the mission and doing day labor there unitl he can save up. So I''m so glad I left him hi and dry and also that I put the collect call block on my phone - I see now that when he really wants to talk to me he finds a way.
They say in program, give yourself six months before making any major decisions. That six months in program (if you keep going) will certainly change you [which is all you have the ability to change anyway].
Should you lead him on? Only you can answer that. Listen to your heart, be honest and open with yourself and you will discover the right answers to that question.
Keep coming and posting, yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
You said right there honey that if he really wants it, he makes it happen. You also noticed that you've found yourself thinking clearer and better and noticing that life has been running awful smooth since you've found al anon, started working the principles, started paying attention. Now, like Maria said, NONE of us can tell you what to do. We can offer you what WE did when WE were in YOUR situation--and obviously alot of us have been doing that. the other thing that stands out to me is you haven't asked "What do *I* need to do TODAY?" I have found TIME and TIME again that when I take care of the TODAY issues, whatever is supposed to happen down the road happens. Taking care of the TODAY issues is practicing these principles in my affairs and it's doing God's will. And who knows? Maybe he's out there atttending AA meetings and realizing what a piece of work he his. Maybe he's getting some insight into himself and realizing that he needs to do some hard work to EARN you back. Honey, you ain't junk. Don't let yourself be sold for ANYTHING.
