The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH is on his way back to the east coast from AZ and begging to stay (I just moved out of our house 3 weeks ago). I have been dreading the actual face to face confrontation which I know is coming. I find it a lot easier to be stong over the phone and in writing but face to face is harder. I began keeping a notebook and writing down all the things that really jump out at me as reasons I don't want to go there again and I think it will be very helpful when the time comes. Sometimes I read things on here that remind me of something too and that helps so much. It's amazing how easily we forget isn't it. I want to hold on to the pain a little so I don't forget and start to go down that same road again but I don't want to be bitter. How can I do both? I sure am getting more things done and getting out and having fun so much more now that I don't require myself to sit around and wait for him to feel better or do something I have assigned as "his" task in my mind. One of the things I put in the notebook was "I don't like the way I am when I'm with him." Pretty profound. Thanks for all your support and great stories that keep me from forgetting!
When I moved out May 2005 my A begged me, pleaded with me, bargained with me and tried to manipulate me every which way to get back with him.
EVen today (I am divorced 3 months) he wants to reconcile.
For me, the bottom line was that I could no longer live in the insanity of active adiction. It was too destructive for me, the "sane" one.
I told him in writing if he gets sober for 6 months and works a program (any type of recovery/psych program) I would consider reconciliation.
He continues to drink, but... his bills, his rants, his drinking and driving are all his now. I am no longer the scapegoat for his illness, and if I am, well, I would'nt know.....
My life on my terms...never so sweet
Megan
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
I, too support whatever you decide. You sound very strong and focused. I know what you mean though about face to face, your heart sometimes takes over the emotions and you fall back into weakness, I know I do. I think you are great to journal, that is really good.
I know what helps me to confront situations now is just to pray, pray and pray some more about it. Sit and meditate and calm yourself every day. Ask you HP to guide you through a situation and to do the next right thing. I find myself slipping a lot in situations, but slowly growing and also making strides to strength that I never knew I possessed before.
I like what you said about doing a program for 6 months and putting that in writing. That still gives him some hope but also puts the responsibility right where it belongs. I like that, I might actually use that one because before I have said never again and then done it anyway. If I can say maybe again and just have set rules around how that would happen then I wouldn't feel like such a bad guy. I think I would have to go for a year though, he has gone 10 months without before. Thanks for that.
Honey, only you know what you need. But no matter what you decide--personally, you've seemed so much more at peace since he's been left out there to fend for himself; and you've been going to al anon, doing the day to day living et cetera--I am going to support you and love you honey.
I am proud of you for coming back and being honest. Be honest with yourself now.
