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Post Info TOPIC: The thoughts of an A


Senior Member

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Posts: 130
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The thoughts of an A


I am completely confused.  I don't think I will ever understand how an alcoholic thinks.  My A husband and I were divorced this past June (3 months ago).  It has actually been a very pleasant experience being rid of him.  I no longer face worries about his health, what he will do when he is drunk that will cost me my life savings, who he will kill while he drives drunk, the verbal and physical abuse, the abuse of my dog, the destruction of my property, the never ending lies, the sabotage, or my own anger over all of the above.  So, I am very happy that he is gone and I make no effort to have further dealings with him.


When he moved out he got a mail box at one of those mail forwarding services.  He refused to tell me where he was movinb.... I didn't care.


Since he is gone I have gotten his collection notices from collection agencies at my post office box for his unpaid bills.  I figured he simply didn't want to deal with them and was being a jerk by having them forwarded to me.  I have gotten his cell phone bill every month. It shows he is paying it.  It also shows that he returned to the girlfriend that he was with before he met me.  I simply throw those away.  But, I can't figure out why he isn't having them sent to his address.


Now I have received notice that on September 13 he went to a medical clinic. He gave them his son's cell phone as his home telephone number.  He gave them my PO Box as his address.


I wonder what the heck he is thinking to continue to have his mail sent to me.  By now he must realize I will not contact him and I am not forwarding it.


What do you think?


 


 



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1718
Date:

I think it is good that you can hold to your boundaries.  My a does stuff like that cuts me out of his life but holds onto a thread, a rope. I long for the day when I just cut it all off. Since I live in the same place as him at the moment I can't.  Nevertheless I work super hard at the moment at lessening the ties and finding other outlets for myself.


I am proud that you have made it through this.  You can always forward the mail elsewhere.  That would send him a message.  Personally I would not open the mail but it is up to you.  I know I used to want to know somehow where my exhusband was (not my boyfriend) now I do not.  Maybe this is part of your process of letting go.


Maresie.



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maresie


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2055
Date:

Ditto,

I found in life "what I know (and don't knowingly seek - snooping in my case) won't hurt me" which for me is different from denial.

I would forward his mail to his forwarding po box. The post office will do it automatically and that way you won't even have to deal with it.

So glad you keep coming and posting, you sound really well.

yours in recovery,
Maria123

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If I am not for me, who will be?  If I am only for myself, then who am I?  If not now, when?


Senior Member

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Posts: 101
Date:

It is not a good idea to continue to keep his mail.


I'm a mail carrier and see legal forms often from collectors and lawyers. It is the law for the post office to provide both physical and mailing address for judgement recovery. This is mostly used for child support recovery but can be used for other things.


Because you are receiving mail for him and not returning it, it is assumed you are accepting responsiblity for him and his bills. Even though you can't be held liable for his bills if your name is not on the bill, I don't think you want the hassle of proving it in court.


I suggest you return his mail. If you don't have a forwarding address tell the mail clerk that he has moved without a forward. This will keep the mail from coming to your po box.



-- Edited by sld488 at 20:58, 2006-09-17

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sld


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2287
Date:

Sounds like he may be trying to keep a little rope tied to you - isn't it in "Getting them sober" where she says : "It's harder to get rid of an alcoholic than you think!"?

Anyway, waste of time and energy trying to figure his motives out. Just do what seems best to you, taking care of your needs and safety, and it will work out.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1702
Date:

 I agree with many of the shares. I would go to the post office and ask for their insight. Tell them what you told us and they can help you out.Being as their a federal institution, there's a policy for everything.

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3656
Date:

(((((((((((((Ditto)))))))))))),


Who knows what an A thinks? Frankly, does it really matter?  You've moved on and sound really good. So if he's seeking recovery, more power to him.  I wish him well.  But if he's playing games, because it's a way of staying in touch with you, then he's not going to recover and that's his business.


Funny you should post this.  One of my A's old roomates from rehab called me at work yesterday from her rehab/jail.  This is woman whom I accepted into my home when she first got out and frankly she put my life and my As in jepoardy when she left falsified med. scripts in our car one night.  Anyway she called me at work and asked for his number and another friend from rehab.  It really got to me.  I told her I was not inclined to give out other people's number without their permission.  But I made it clear that if they don't call, it's because they want no contact with her.  I told her that I want no contact with her. But it really got me. What does she want? What is she up to?   Is she making her amends?  If so, why not to me too?   I gave the number to hubby, he passed it along to the other roomate and then moved on.  Good lord, I wasted how many hours over this person?   Hubby had already moved on before I could even unwind after work.  Hmmm... he's a bit healthier than me these days! lol


Thanks for making me think.  Love and blessings to you.


Live strong,


Karilynn & Pipers Kitty



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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
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