The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been another tough week, but I finally had enough of the drama and went to a motel last night. You know, it was SO peaceful I cannot even believe it. I am tired of talking about the situation, just want to be alone and quiet. I told a great friend where I was in case anyone wanted to find me in an emergency. I didn't tell AH because I figured he wouldn't be coherent enough to care. Well he called seven times! I never answered. I need a break.
I am staying another night tonite just because it was so great to be away from home, arguing and feeling weird, seeing AH drunk or not and weird, etc. I did call him today and we couldn't talk - he was at his new job - but at least he knows I am alive.
If he calls me - I will tell him I need some time for me right now, compassionately and calmly. Tomorrow is his birthday and we had planned to spend the day together and go to a concert. I will just see him tomorrow morning and we can spend the day. No guilt. I am really trying to detach.
I once went to a motel when the A had practically moved one of his friends in to live with us. I stayed there a week. The A promised a great deal, delivered nothing. I felt good for a while but then I eventually got even more resentful. I think I did it for reasons other than you were doing it for...well there were many reasons. One of them was that I was incredibly angry at the man who was virtually moving into our house. The other was, if I am really honest, I was trying to control the A. I am not now suprized it did not work. My anger at the A's friend was very hard to contain. Now I would have lots more boundaries straight up. I do not generally engage with any of his friends anymore and I plan not to. The A is always trying to get me involved with them and I opt out daily, by the hour, wheras I was Ms. Overinvolved before.
As long as you are not trying to control the A I am all for the taking a break for yourself. I plan to take a break in a week or so from the A when I can because just being around their chaos is so draining.
Im not sure how much of the conventions in Nov I'll actually be attending but I have hotels booked at both Framingham and NH. Will use the room, relax, use the hot tub, etc. Its a getaway
Even with a non-active A, I find myself wanting sooo much to get away for a few days. I was hoping to this summer with the truck camper, but it was never put on, sigh. I may yet decide to go anyway, after-summer rates are usually cheaper. There is a drive I would really enjoy right now. It would only take a day or two...
My A has been busy fixing up his mother's house to rent it out or sell it. He won't have time to go anyplace until Oct. We had so much company this summer, we didn't get to do any of the things we had planned.
I'm very happy for you. Hopefully, a bit of time to yourself will give you a chance to recharge the batteries and gain a new perspective. Certainly a well earned rest.
When myA was messin around, I took it very very personally....it was impossible not to really. The hurt was all consuming. I could see no reasoning.
That was a while ago now though, and I know he deeply regretted it. Also I know that it was not as personal as I thought it was at the time. I believe he did what he did because circumstance made it easy at the time. Also, his decision making skills were not very good. (This may be a symptom of the Adisease I believe)
I know I cannot control his choices or actions, but I now also know that sometimes the addiction controls his for him......and causes him to act in appropriate ways.....that causes him much regret in his life...
This illness is so powerful and destructive.
Be kind to yourself, you are truly an inspiration AM
