The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been in a very low mood for the past several weeks...well actually it seems for my whole life. I have never thought of myself as being depressed. I had always thought that I felt the way I do because of circumstances in my life. I am now starting to think differently.
As a child I remember my mom being depressed alot. Again...I thought it was just her circumstances. My father was an A and her life was by no means a wonderful life. There was never Alanon on her part and never recovery on his.
I don't think that there has to be circumstances to make you depressed. I am starting to think it is in your biochemical makeup.
I have a wonderful husband. These should be the best years of our life. Instead, like I have always been, I am focused on my A son. When my sons were younger, I was focused on them and their problems. My sons are grown men now and it is time for me to put my focus on trying to make my husbands and my life a good one. We both deserve to be happy and to be doing fun things together.
He has stood by me through all of my unhappiness, mood swings, weight gain and everything else I have been through. I think it is his turn to have my focus. I want happiness in my life and I certainly am not going to get it while putting my focus on something I have no control over.
I have decided to do whatever it is I need to do to get myself out of this funk I'm in. I want to take my focus off my problems and put it on my marriage. I will seek medical help in probably changing my meds and maybe going into therapy again. My husband said he would go with me and help me find a way to feel better. I am so lucky to have him and better start realizing that more.
So, today I am trying a new journey with someone that I can have happy times with instead of isolating and trying to control things I cannot.
I will be going to my f2f tonight. If I do not find someone to sponser me soon from that meeting I will try to find an online sponser. I have been in program for over a year and I really need to start doing the steps with a sponser.
Please keep me in your prayers that I can find a way to get out of this depression I'm in.
I am so proud that you are taking pro active steps for your recovery! Keep it up! Idea: if there's no one in the al anon room you like, see if somoen in the open AA meetings strikes your fancy. Many AAs suffer also from al anon issues.
I can so relate to the problems with your son. Mine has had emotional and behavioral problems since he was very little. It depleted all of my energy and was very difficult for me especially with working full time. But unlike you I didn't have a supportive husband. Mine was emotionally and physically abusive (and not an A) and we divorced after 20 years of marriage. I too have struggled with depression and have always blamed it on my circumstances.
I did, however, take prozac for the last year of my marriage and credit it with helping me to gain the strength to get out and move on with my life. It is just too bad that what I moved onto is my current AH. Also, sadly my son who is now 18, a high school throwout, living on his own with aid of SSI and experimenting with drugs still causes me grief.
The drugs alone did not fix me and my only support system is you guys.
I was wrapping myself up in my son's and daughter's problems too, and was having terrible insomnia. They have both been on their own for years now, and have managed to run their own lives. My sleepless nights weren't doing them a bit of good anyway. I finally decided to turn it all over to our HPs. "Let Go And Let God". Alanon works so well in every aspect of my life! I had wrapped them in cotton wool long enough, and in order for them to grow, I needed to step back.(and in order for me to sleep, LOL)
Keep up the good work, and you and that great hubby have a blast! With love, TLC
Keep it up! Idea: if there's no one in the al anon room you like, see if somoen in the open AA meetings strikes your fancy. Many AAs suffer also from al anon issues.