The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ex bf is in jail again....contempt of dui court. He has been sober for a while, so I hear, not sure what happened.
I had been thinking of his mom for several days, she and I were close when he and I were together. I occasionally see her in Al Anon and we always hug, exchange pleasantries, etc.
She had been on my mind for days, I feel compassion for her....my ex is in jail, her daughter has problems with drugs and is in and out of recovery, she's single, has not seen my ex's kids in a long time because of his drinkin/druggin, the mother wont let her...she has alot on her plate.
Last night I was thinkin of her, I picked up the phone and let her know. We spoke briefly of the ex, I made sure to tell her I called not to talk about him but to let her know I was thinking of her. It was a nice conversation, she was pleasant and that was it.
So why do I feel sorta weird about calling now? I didnt have any expectations from the call.
Kinda wished I hadnt called....I wish I would have told her not to tell the ex I called. I dont want any misconceptions. There were no other intentions, I truly wanted her to know I was thinking of her.
There must be old tapes playing in your head somewhere that are making you question yourself. You did a heartfelt, human thing. You let someone else know that you were thinking of them and did it with no ulterior motive. I'm sure HP would approve :) Shut off those tapes and know that goodness is never wrong. The energy that we send out (fear, hate, distrust or love, compassion, kindnes) is what surrounds us.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
When it comes to beating myself up, one of the things I've learned with time is that it was expected in my family of origin that when people make mistakes they practice penance. The harder the penance, the more likely it was that god would forgive you and you would never repeat the mistake. Now, if you're the kind of child that I was growing up, you repeated the same mistake 1,000x before it stuck; so not only was *I* practicing penances, MY PARENTS would scream, curse, hit, belittle, humiliate, upbraid and just do horrible things to make som3ething I already felt bad about 1,000x WORSE. So today, those old tapes play AT FULL BLAST: "What were you thinking?! What on earth did you do that for?! Do you know what you just did?! I can't believe you!!" And on..and on...and on...
So I designated a "safe space" for my life. For me to feel feelings, to be upset, to do whatever(including search for underwear naked! ) That place, right now, is my apartment. For others, its their bathroom. Others, it's their bed. But it's a space physically or mentally where they can go and 1) they are not allowed to let the tapes play--this is a space where God as they understand God is in charge. And when I am in a space where I've made a mistake (large AND small) I need to be in a space where GOD is in charge, NOT ME! And when I look at myself through the eyes of God, suddenly, all of my mistakes seem so relative--no one's died, no one's injured, and the only one suffering is ME! And when I realize that, I let go.
About the "wierd" feelings about calling Mom--I think what you did was wonderful. Sometimes, it's important that we support our loved ones at our lowest points, no matter how "wierd" we feel.
I am very lucky to have a dil that calls to see how I am doing and how I am handling things. Although she is not in Alanon, she always asks if I am going to meetings because she knows how much they help me.
She and A son are both in new relationships now. I was feeling like everyone was moving on except me. It is so nice to hear from her and know that she still cares about her A husband and wishes the best for him. They have 2 children together so it is in the best interest of them for all to keep up communication.
I know she genuinely cares about how I am doing and I welcome her call at any time.
) That place, right now, is my apartment. For others, its their bathroom. Others, it's their bed. But it's a space physically or mentally where they can go and 1) they are not allowed to let the tapes play--this is a space where God as they understand God is in charge. And when I am in a space where I've made a mistake (large AND small) I need to be in a space where GOD is in charge, NOT ME! And when I look at myself through the eyes of God, suddenly, all of my mistakes seem so relative--no one's died, no one's injured, and the only one suffering is ME! And when I realize that, I let go.