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A few days ago I posted about my bf's daughter, her decision to move back with her biological mother, and now wants to come back.
Last night I got a call from the bio mom. She informed me she had called the local authorities to come pick up the daughter to remove her from the home. She had told me how the daughter had acted very disrespectful, calling her mother names, and tried to attack her mother.
I agree with her mother. Noone should tolarate disrespect. But I do not agree with calling the authorities on a child. I asked the mother if she would please allow the child to come back here to live for I have not had this problem with the child. But the mother refused. She said she wanted the child to go to detention and "learn a lesson". And that I or her ex/my bf shouldn't try to bail her out. (so why call me if she only wanted to inform him)
Several hours later, the bio mother calls me back to inform me that the child had been returned to her and that a counselor from DHR had explained to her (what I had tried to) that if she placed the child in the system it would be extremely hard to get her back. The counselor recommended family counseling. Which would be a good idea if the mother would follow thru. But I fear she won't.
I called my bf (traveling with work), he would like to have custody of his daughter again but feels the judge would not grant it to him because of his traveling so much with work. So we thought of petitioning for me to get non-parental custody. Seeking temporary guardianship until the bond between mother and daughter are strenthened.
I should probably wait and see if the mother will follow thru with counseling but as I said, she probably won't. And I fear if I don't intervene the system eventually will. I realize that with this petition I am starting a war with the bio mother. But I feel it is a war worth fighting for the sake of the child.
Please!!!!!!! Any suggestions are appreciated. Thank You.
Wow, that is a deep and complicated problem. I have been involved in a custody battle before when my ex was trying to get visitation of his bio son and the bio mom was vicious. We had CPS at our house and talking to my children about alleged sexual abuse within a few weeks. He had to give up because we knew that she would never stop and it was causing our children to suffer. The bitterness grows quickly in these situations and can turn into someting very deep and painful. I remember thinking I had finally seen that there is truly evil in the world and that there is an actual evil person who has no other reason for doing these things than just to be evil. I had never thought like that before. Reflecting back I suppose she was doing whatever she had to do to get her way which was to move on with a new man and not have to deal with her son's bio dad anymore. To take away all his control in the child's life. When I was in it it seemed like the end of the world and I realized then that there is no justice. Now it seems like ancient history.
I agree with carolina girl. I would check my motives. This is a child that is hurting very deeply and needs professional intervention--do you think you're up to the task 24/7/365?
I would also realize that there is alot of hurt and feelings all around. Is it possible for you to talk to someone to sort out your feelings first? That's what I would do.
Are here any counsellors associated with Children's Services that you could talk to, just to get some idea of what your options are, without committing yourself? You want to do what is best for this girl without destroying your own self - I'd really want to get some input from someone who is knowledgable about these issues.
