The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A year ago I was a mess. Ended up at the docs office where they tried putting me on Zoloft, started back at AlAnon (it had been several years), joined a new gym and a new Church. Husband had just had his left kidney removed due to cancer (he's doing fine now - its been a year). I kept telling myself it was due to his drinking but when I went to my gyno apt last week he told me he had the same operation as my husband! Our 14yr son doesnt want to hang out all the time w/his mother not that I blame him. I mean he is 14 and needs his own life! (not his mothers life). I had been trying for years to make a life w/out my husband - we do have different interests. Its horrible to say but I think I was looking at my son to fill that time.
Now Im ready to go out and do things on my own. Make my own life. I attended a Rabbit Education Seminar by myself (son didnt want to go). We adopted 2 bunnies early June. Im thinking of going to apple festivals myself. And in April 2007 I have a week at WDW booked for myself! I even "opened up the pocketbook" and had the main floor of the house painted. Im now happy to come home instead of dreading it.
Im thinking if I can do these things I dont need AlAnon anymore. But maybe its because of AlAnon (I'll never know) that I do feel able to make my own life. Does any of this make sense? Can I live life on my own? or do I need to keep AlAnon (and maybe Church) in my life?
I don't know if you "NEED" Alanon or not but why give up something that might be the thing that is helping you. If nothing else...it is a wonderful fellowship.
On my way to an al anon meeting a few months ago I was wondering how long I would have do this. When would I be healed. Well, my hp intervened. At the meeting I met an 80 something woman who had been one of the founding members of the group almost 40 years ago. Her husband drank for the first 10 years of their marriage and was sober for the last 30. He died two years ago. She still attends at least one meeting per month. When asked why she still comes to meetings after all this time she replied, "Because self-improvement is a lifelong endeavor." Question answered.
I don't know if needing Alanon is the correct termonology, how about wanting alanon, loving the wonderful people we meet who help us thru out our steps to a better life.. This is what I think dear lady, I found alanon at the very lowest point in my life...I have done my best to try and apply it's teaching into my daily life....seems to me that if I look at where I was before Alanon, wow what a different life I have.....I am out working, I no longer care if a stays sober or not...I live each day now without the addiction being my whole world.....If not for Alanon, would I be here?????
As for your 14 yr old son, well heck sometimes even though I know my son loves me, I wonder if he likes me...lol.....it is a phase it passes...thank god...
I guess I don't really understand why you are questioning this. Do you find alanon painful, like doing a chore? If not, if it leaves you feeling better, why not keep it as part of your new busy life? If so, maybe you might want to explore that feeling.
One of the reasons you might find it like a chore are that you are spending a lot of time on the parts of alanon that don't really fit your personality. For instance, if you are not really a reading and meditating type of person, that aspect may be boring and uncomfortable to you.
Or, maybe your home group does not suit you. I think you said before that you sometimes find it depressing. In that case, it may only be a case of finding a different group.
Or, maybe alanon raises uncomfortable feelings in you, because you know there are aspects of your recovery that you need to work on, but don't really want to face. You may be feeling that if you continue with the program you will have to do some hard emotinal work, and you're scared.
I have no idea if it's one of these reasons, or something completely different. If you are honest with yourself, and examine your motives carefully, though, YOU know. The fact that you are asking us rather than knowing in your heart what is best for you makes me feel that this is something that you need to examine, rather than just blow off. Otherwise it will come back to bite you.
I am starting to think of program work as something like emotional housekeeping. If I sweep under my emotional fridge often, it's an easy and pleasant task. If I avoid it for too long, though, that strawberry that rolled under there two weeks ago will start to stink.
I recall earlier you asked about "graduating," to one extent or another from al anon. What I'm hearing alot of is boredom, that other members here clued into.
First things first, al anon is meant for those who have been torn up by the family dysfunction of alcholism to learn how to live functional lives with emotional and mental stability. It is not group therapy, it is not counceling, et cetera.
What I don't hear you saying is whether or not you're involved with service, have a sponsor, are sponsoring people, are involved in your home group, et cetera. I think you're at the phase where "Is this all there is to Al Anon?" The last time I was this way in my recovery, my sponsor recommended I sign up to chair beginner meetings--so I did. And I can tell you hands down, my recovery got a jolt of much needed energy. All of the sudden, I was reminded brutally how miserable I was when I came. How on all sides of my life, I was ruined: finances were a mess, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, was wearing dirty clothes (can't even IMAGINE how I smelled). So I reached out to these beginners, and some stayed, many didn't, sadly. But they knew, and saw, what happened when you stick around.
Another woman who was feeling "ancy" with her recovery signed up to do al anon meetings at the treatment centers. Now THERE'S hopelessness. People angry at their loved ones; people who want NOTHING to do with al anon; people who HATE themselves; the list goes on and on. As a result, she learned detachment, respect, acceptance and tolerance. There was nothing she could do to MAKE these people want recovery. And it was the same story every week sometimes. BUT she was able to see in HERSELF where her character defects were causing her to repeat habits she lived in BEFORE RECOVERY.
Another gentleman I know began bringing al anon meetings to the juvenile facility here. Technically they're alateen meetings, but he brings two or three long term Al Anons, some times double winners, with him, and the kids get to talk for an hour about living in alcholism, and how it's brought them to where they're at.
Another gentleman got involved in intergroup. A woman got involved in Group Service Representative, being the contact person for prisons, jails, and rehab centers. She brings al anon to the Women's Shelter.
Anytime I feel stagnant in my recovery, it's because I've stopped. My recovery is my responsibility.
It is so great that you are doing things for yourself. Your son like my three sons while be out of the house soon. Then we really do need a life of our own. For myself, I don't think that we are ever "cured" just like the alcoholic. This is with us the rest of our lives.
