The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It has been a week since I wrote my first post and so many of you have shared great words of wisdom that I was able to apply into my life. I wanted to share where I am today, a week later. Last night I went to an open meeting with my A. It was insightful, but during the meeting it was if someone knew that I was there for something else. This person said to me, there is an al-anon meeting across the hall. I got up, marched myself in - (ok, I almost ran in, but I digress) and sat and took it all in. I have much to learn from people and the steps. In fact, I am just beginning so I know little, but I am open to learn and hear what has to be said. I am a little overwhelmed with all this information, but I know with all my heart that I must take one day at a time. I will not learn all this in one sitting. This disease has been going on for years and it will most likely take me a lifetime to really understand it, if ever. I don't care how much eduacation you have, there is no way that you can comprehend the severity of this disease. Wouldn't you agree? I have to say that the people at al-anon embraced me and handed me a copy of the book Courage to Change. I was deeply touched and inspired to see that others are where I am, feeling the way that I do and were sincere about what I had to say. For me, it was nice to not feel judged by anyone. I have found that when people learn of my story (those close to me) and the problems that I have encountered in my marriage, they feel entitled to share their opinions on the matter; not knowing how this disease is because they have the "perfect" marriage. I don't always appreciate back seat drivers, yet alone sideline opinions. Sometimes, I repeat the same mistakes over and over again before I realize that there is another alternative to the situation. I am stubborn and hard headed. Anyway, I can't wait to attend the next meeting. I know that many of you say that the you take what you need out of the program and make it work for you. I feel like a load of bricks have been lifted from me. For one, I have this community where I read your thoughts, insights, sadness and silliness. Thank you so much for sharing all of this with others. Although many write to get it out, your stories and ways of thinking may affect more people than you realize. Isn't that what this program is all about? Secondly, I feel that I have found a community in the flesh near my home that I can also be a part of.
My A has been doing well. One week sober, but listen I am not thinking that this is the end. I know that at any minute the tides can turn, but he is motivated and for that I can only praise my HP for hearing my prayers and taking me through the minutes of the day. I am also proud of myself for finally looking out for me! Change is not always good, but this change is WONDERFUL! I am learning to let go and rely more and more on my HP! I was able last night to meet some of the people that are regulars at the meetings where A is attending. Many of them embraced me and warmed my spirit with their stories and embraced my A. Again, my HP continues to demonstrate his goodness in so many ways.
This post was my way to share my experience from last night and to thank you all for writing and sharing with others. Many of you have touched my life already and I look forward to being there for you in the future as you were there for me this week.
So glad your first meeting went well for you. One meeting that I sometimes go to is set up that way - the AA meeting down the hall from Alanon. Once a month they have a joint, open meeting, both groups together in one room. I love it - I get insight from the AA's but feel that they have something to learn from us, too.
I think for us, the hardest part of early sobriety was that drinking and drugging were so much a part of my husband's life, he really didn't know who he was, once he wasn't doing it anymore. I was expecting something like maybe a return to the man he had been when I met him, but really, he'd been drinking since he was 12, and even the sane looking man I'd married in his 30's was deep in the grip of the disease. It was like finding myself married to a man I didn't even know, who was reinventing himself day by day.
Some of his choices in that first year were bad ones, in fact it was almost the hardest year of our marriage. Once I started really working on my own recovery, though, I was able to stand back and just give him a little room, and things are working out well, now (so far, anyway). One very nice discovery is that most of the things I had never really liked much about him, even in the very beginning, were symptoms of the disease, and are gradually going away. I am finding that the man he truly is, under the disease, is actually quite a bit nicer than I had ever guessed. It's taking time for this new man to emerge, but I hope that as he does, there is a healthier, more grown up me to stand beside him.
There really is hope. Not every A makes it, but some do. When you go to AA conventions and roundups, they have a countdown of sobriety. They start with a seemingly impossibly high number "Does anybody here have 45 years of sobriety?" Then they go down - 44, 43, 42, right down to one day. It is so heartening to see men and women with 20 years or more sober, with the help of their programs. It is even better to hear them talk - the message is the same as the alanon one: one day at a time, take responsibility for your own actions, listen to your higher power.
I am so so glad that you had a good experience. What a lovely warm, tender welcome for you. I am thrilled that this happened. I am also so glad that you are able to remain in reality. One of my core issues is either going all or nothing.
I do hope you go back to the al anon meeting, even if your husband doesn't go back to the AA meetings. And please, don't feel un easy if you go to open AA meetings. You are taking WONDERFUL steps for your own recovery. Keep it up!
