I think that for me I had to supplement the teaching of al anon with Non CAL. Al Anon, it was pointed out in my home group, has alot of "walt disney world endings:" some how, even the most degenerate alcholic parent was able to find AA; some how, even the most battered and torn relationship was able to be rebuilt because of the steps, slogans and CAL; some how because of the mericle of al anon, everything came out alright. And as one long timer pointed out, that never happened to him, and many of us in the home group agreed: the more we had persued recovery, the more consistently people had rebeled, rejected, whatever. My mother, for example has become mean as sin since I started al anon--the concepts of boundries has saved my sanity and driven her further from what she considers her sanity. And, in truth, I have no idea what will happen with this relationship. But I do know that the people of al anon will give me their e/s/h all along the way.

Aloha Diva. 

I read your post and how personally it was titled and am reminded on how personal issues are handled in the "Family"group.  They are taken to the person directly, shared outside of the meeting room and away from the possibility of harming others or casting an atmosphere of dissention in front of others who maybe looking our way for help. This is a valued tradition of the world wide groups.  It is stated in my home group and in the World wide Fellowship of the Al-Anon Family Group that "if you need to speak with someone while the meeting is going on...ask them to step out side with you.  If they refuse, wait until the meeting is over and speak with them then."  This usually refers to a crosstalk situation and also applies to personal issues.

The traditions of the Al-Anon Family Groups are for the purpose of unity for the entire world wide group.  The twelfth tradition states that we deal in "principals before personalities."

I have read the earlier posts that you have used to motivate this one.  Although it is not unusual in the process of recovery for members to "do things their own way" what is startling often times is that they forget about consideration of others in favor of self consideration to the extreme, meaning that they forget about the possible consequences of their actions and "go for it" anyway in spite. 

I come from the disease of alcoholism.  There was a tremendous amount of negativity and dissention in my family which I sought isolation from.  There were those who insisted upon keeping up the pressure in spite of  the consequences on the rest of the family.  Their "self" (the "I") was greater than the whole (the "We") and it was hurtful, painful, threatening and a deterrent to someone like myself looking for peace from it.  I was also dishonest as they requested that they never be treated that way themselves. 

I value this program because it has literally taken my life out of the hell of alcoholism and saved it to where I valued it and the possibility of sharing it with others who are looking for something very similar.  There have been times when those in need have stayed away from the groups because certain groups where not much different than their existence in the "dis-ease" of alcoholism.  

Both the 12th step and the 12th tradition are of utmost importance to a successful recovery. But it won't work if it won't be worked.

Yours in love and service.