The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well the A sulked all weekend then went on a mini binge. He did zero around the house nothing. Then he started drinking smoking and using (I think it was marjuana). I detached detached detached working on plan b, and kept on working.
Today he is supposedly back at work and says he doesn't feel well and that he is "ill". I expect I would be ill too if I did what he did. So now he is back to feeling sorry for himself.
I am detaching as best I can but I know some of the reason I am so exhausted is living with his non stop dramara chaos and never knowing what will happen next. He always has a crisis. He is always sulking and crying "poor me".
I have my own issues, under earning, my own health issues, my own time issues, my own recovery issues. There is no room for none of that with him in fact he has told me over an dover and over how he resents me having any needs. All that matters is his issues and his needs. I am supposed to have none. I wondered why I was depressed. I definitely have a predeliction for depression. Nevertheless living with this non stop crisis takes its toll. I detach and process and process some more and I keep on track. I don't try to rescue him anymore and I don't even get angry. It is his disease after all..it all has to fuel his drinking and using in a cycle. I used to be so caught up in his dramarama and wondering what was "next". Well whatever it is will be. I have my own goals and one of them is to stop rescuing him and just take care of me.
I also have my own very real desire for peace and quiet and tranqulity and sanity. I deserve that. I deserve to have a life that is not totally dominated by his crises.
Aloha Maresie I'm hoping you have some recovering family at hand to spend time with and a sponsor. I got the impression that you might be white knucklin' it. Good program work even tho. Thanks for the share. It was supportive.
I just wanted to say I do understand what you are going threw. I have delt with this alot with my A. For me it used to be the feeling of helplessness in not being able to show them how messed up this all is. But then I learned with time it is affecting me more then it is them. Because I let it take over every part of my life until basically I didn't have one. I too got tired of all the drama. My A continually has bad days but for me now it doesn't affect me like it used to. My A's drama not mine it is his and his alone. He will have to fix his own drama not my problem, I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it. Take care of you and do something special for just you because you deserve it. All I can do is love my A and pray someday he gets into recovery.
I so understand about the drama, my A not only has his drama but all of his friend's drama too!!!! This summer has been rough for me with the loss of my mom, (my A feels as though I should deal with mom's death in a different matter) but I have been staying at her house (I cared for her and now preparing the house to be sold) and the quietness of NO DRAMA/LITTLE DRAMA is how I want my life to be and have made quite clear to my A. Where we go from here will depend on him. I have been at mom's house since June 12th and will return home next week......it's going to be a life changing experience for me. Be gentle with yourself! Hugs Mary
Thanks for posting that I really needed to hear that today. I have needs and I'm finally ready willing and able to care for myself. My A will always create drama and chaos in his life constantly. Its not my problem although he wants to blame me.
Have a good day.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
